I had an episode today.

It's getting to be that time of the month where my PTSD gets worse because hormones changes and imbalances (I'm a woman). Unfortunately, my mother completely triggered an episode today. I felt it coming for two days already and the only thing that helps delay it is sleep or 🌿 (that I ran out of) as result I've been sleeping a lot, but she started pounding on my door like a damn swat team. That instantly put me in an episode. Not entirely her fault though because I'm deaf in one ear, so I'll sleep on my hearing ear to block the noise from my fan or if my brother starts blasting music. Although, all she woke me up for is because she didn't want to drive 15 minutes away to take my brother to work (my bro doesn't have a license). This is a regular thing that I'm just the chauffeur for the family, among other services like being an errand boy or maid. Between my mental illness, feeling taken advantage of and recently alienated (lately I can't even have a conversation without getting shut down by my mother) it was just a perfect storm. But when I got home, I sat outside to just get some air and it started raining. Not full on downpour but enough where you can feel the pressure change in the air, can smell the rainwater and plants all around, and just feel the cool water. That instantly started calming me down, and my chest pains faded away. It's funny how when I'm having an episode, I'll think, "God doesn't care." Which is the adversary kicking me when I'm down... God will bring the rains when I need it most especially since I don't have anything on hand to help.

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SalamanderWolfWoman · 26-30

I'm in a similar situation dealing with family who trigger me. I feel trapped too.

Here's my advice:
If I was constantly being asked to drive folks, I would simply remind them to either find a carpool service, transit pass, or Uber. I would downplay my driving skills when speaking with the people who ask me to drive. I speak to them as if I were the worst driver in the world and remind them of their "freedom and convenience of riding with carpools, public transit, and Uber/rideshare" and how those are better alternatives to my driving. Arrogant people with requests usually assume that they are smarter than everyone else. I play stupid to the point that they assume that I am no longer worth asking for errands. That is how I cope with folks asking for requests. I also agree with the previous note suggesting that you shoukd find a way to escape from people who trigger. You have my complete sympathy. I have PTSD too. I have no resources available. If anybody is reading, please give me advice too...

RedGrizzly · 26-30, F

@SalamanderWolfWoman haha! That's an awesome idea. It does get exhausting after a while. I had to reflect on it when I was more stable. I think the stress from trying to fight myself from having an episode, especially since it was around my cycle which exacerbates it more just makes simple tasks even harder mentally. After a while, the driving hasn't become much of a burden especially since I had to talk to my mom about my PTSD and to show her how to stop triggering me by putting boundaries. She didn't like it at first and downplays it as anxiety, but after seeing how bad it gets she's started to respect it. I don't think she understands still, since she'll send me stuff about how to cope with anxiety lol but she at least stopped triggering me.

But as of right now, I'm getting intrusive memories from things that have happened nearly 20 years ago when I was in 5th grade. But at least, it's not overwhelming right now.

Wiseacre · F

Best to move out of the family home..get away from trigger mother!

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