I had an episode today.

It's getting to be that time of the month where my PTSD gets worse because hormones changes and imbalances (I'm a woman). Unfortunately, my mother completely triggered an episode today. I felt it coming for two days already and the only thing that helps delay it is sleep or 🌿 (that I ran out of) as result I've been sleeping a lot, but she started pounding on my door like a damn swat team. That instantly put me in an episode. Not entirely her fault though because I'm deaf in one ear, so I'll sleep on my hearing ear to block the noise from my fan or if my brother starts blasting music. Although, all she woke me up for is because she didn't want to drive 15 minutes away to take my brother to work (my bro doesn't have a license). This is a regular thing that I'm just the chauffeur for the family, among other services like being an errand boy or maid. Between my mental illness, feeling taken advantage of and recently alienated (lately I can't even have a conversation without getting shut down by my mother) it was just a perfect storm. But when I got home, I sat outside to just get some air and it started raining. Not full on downpour but enough where you can feel the pressure change in the air, can smell the rainwater and plants all around, and just feel the cool water. That instantly started calming me down, and my chest pains faded away. It's funny how when I'm having an episode, I'll think, "God doesn't care." Which is the adversary kicking me when I'm down... God will bring the rains when I need it most especially since I don't have anything on hand to help.