If we only knew [I Have Ptsd]

Saturday June 27 2020 I had lost a parent, my dad. My mom went to urgent care. While she was in there I called my dad and chat like I always used to do. We talked for a few minutes, I did not want to hang up but I thought he wanted to rest a little, I had no idea that it would be the last time I would hear his voice. After I got off the phone from talking with him, I continued sitting at the table playing a puzzle on the computer and drinking a Pepsi soda and waiting for mom. When I got home I called my sister in law. We laughed and talk for an hour until it was time for her get off the phone. After I got off the phone I left the cell phone and fixed dinner. I fixed a plate for my mom and myself. I had a peace of mind knowing everything is fine with my parents and family who live and care for my dad. Sunday morning I went back to the room to get my phone so I can plug it up, I noticed that I had missed a call; the call came one of cousins where dad stayed. She called me at 5:44 am to let me know my dad died. After she told me, I was numb the whole day and I still feel numb today. I can still call his old phone number and hear his voice then hear him hang up the receiver after his message.

I called and spoke with my cousin last week, she told me in details about dad's last day on earth. It was too much so I told her that I was fixing lunch and to go but I will stay in touch. I talked with the other cousin today on the phone; then mom talked with him some. I enjoy talking to my family but they can't fill the void.

I love my mom and loved my dad too in fact I always tell them that. I told my dad before he died and I tell my mom as often as I can.

Sadly to say I can not deal with this new way of life and trying to find a way to fill the void I feel after losing my dad. I was able to call him every other night to chat with him on the phone. He would encourage me to relax and how to keep my appetite (right now I do not have much of one.) I usually eat a little when I should eat more. It is bothering me to see how stress is causing my mom to look very skinny, she lose sleep, no appetite, nothing is making her happy. Its just life had changed a lot since my dad left this earth.

Mamapolo2016 · F

My father died in 1989 and I still often think - oh, Dad would like that, I have to call him, and then I remember.

It's a big loss. It never goes away, but it does get easier with time. If it didn't nobody would be able to function.

🤗

nowic2 · 61-69, M

My condolences for your loss. I understand your confusion at this time. My 98 year old mother passed away last Monday. She was a real battler, having over come several illnesses in the last 4 years & 2 falls in which she broke her hip then both knees. Her passing also took me back almost 4 years now to the loss of my wife of 35 years.
I hope you & your dear mother begin coming to terms with your loss soon. I encourage you to not rush the grieving process. Whilst there is much written about this make sure you do it in your own time & own way. Best wishes. 🤗

taLking5 · 51-55, F

Thank all for your responses, they helped a lot. I had heard people (not from this site) say things like "he is gone there is nothing you can do to bring them back. or they would say "I'm sorry but.....". it was nothing compassionate like the responses I received from any of you. :)

Also I spoke to one of my siblings who lives in a town an hour away from where dad lived and where his family is now living. When I asked my sibling is he going to my that dad's funeral, they replied with saying "it's nothing to lose sleep over". Does that sound insensitive?