I Have Ocd
As a child I would not step on sidewalk lines, would step on a sidewalk boxes 4 times before moving my leg to another. I'd have to walk the same number of steps on my left foot as my right foot. I had to step on tile lines with one foot the same way as the other. In middle school I even described myself as a "perfectionist" when walking. In high school I became obsessed with certain events, googling them over and over again.
At age 19 I kept checking doors repeatedly to see if I locked them. My sister told me "you already checked" and my family was annoyed with these behaviors but that didn't dissuade me. Then my symptoms got worse. If I walked a certain path I had to walk back the same path. I would spent 1-2 hours deciding which path to take. Last year I was late to a psychotherapy appointment just because I went back to the beach boardwalk to take a different exit. If I read a sentence, I have to read it twice. I in the beginning of a YouTube video I go back to the beginning to watch the video twice.
On April 24 I had an appointment with a psychiatrist. I filled out a questionnaire. Office staff said I had to take a urinalysis and I asked why since I was there for OCD. Then I saw the psychiatrist. I told him I had OCD and told him my symptoms, such as walking back and forth, repeating certain phrases, counting steps, etc. I also told him my OCD is becoming unmanageable and I need medication. He asks me checklist questions about my OCD which I could only answer "yes" or "no". I answered "no" to many of the questions but most of the questions did not match my symptoms. He also asks a bunch of questions about my history and does the mental status exam, such as who is the president, math problems, what would you do, etc. He then asks to speak to my mom and asks her questions about history such as marriage, pregnancy, when I was a young child, etc. Then my mom starts complaining about me, how my dad yelled because of something I did last night, etc. I told her to be quiet but doc insists I let her speak. Before the appointment I told her not to speak to the doctor but she said she will call the police if she can't speak to the doctor. She thinks the police help her and give her good advice. He mainly spoke to my mom and my mom was complaining about me and saying she doesn't want me to live with them. He suggested a supported apartment and asked me what I wanted to be started talking about my career plans. He referred me to Ohel family which offers a supported apartment and employment training. In the end I asked why he didn't prescribe meds. As we were leaving I asked him if he was going to treat my OCD. He answers with the dismissive hand gesture he will treat my OCD. I then did the urinalysis and handed them the cup. Then I was walking back and forth in and out of the bathroom, as if I forgot something. I would go back and forth touching things until it felt right. Later that day my mom told me that in order for the doctor to prescribe meds I have to first be evaluated by Ohel. She told me the psychiatrist can't prescribe meds at the first appointment. That night my dad told me to call Ohel.
The next day my mom calls Ohel. She told them I am "svoyeobraznaya" in Russian which translates as "peculiar" but means "not like everyone else". The director told my mom that "is not a diagnosis" and they need a diagnosis. Mom starts telling them diagnosis unrelated to my OCD. I insist she hang up the phone and she got mad. I was not willing to call Ohel after this because I thought she would ruin everything like she did with the appointment. I wanted to treat my OCD only. I was not comfortable with the doctor and questioned whether I should make another appointment. I never did. Later I started volunteering for the library full time. I was complaining about OCD. My dad told me to look for a new psychiatrist and if he has to pay out of pocket, this will be the last psych he will pay for. I was very picky about my psychiatrist, and would not choose anyone with less than 4 star ratings. He has great reviews, a few blocks from me, and is a professional member of the American Psychiatric Association, wrote in his description he treats OCD, and is in our insurance plan. But the earliest available appointment was a month away. So, I went to my primary care physician. I was still seeing a pediatrician at age 21. I was nervous so I brought my mom. But we agreed she would only stay with me until the doctor comes.
Doc leads me to the exam room asking what brings me here. I told him "I have OCD If I walk on the wrong side of the sidewalk I have to walk back. I avoid stepping on manhole covers." He says he cannot treat OCD but can refer me to professionals who will. Then he asks me if I take meds for this and I said no. He asks "why aren't you taking meds" and I told him I already went to a psychiatrist and he thought I didn't need meds. Doc says "That's not true. You do need meds?." He takes my height and weight at the front of the office and my mom was there. "I will refer you to providers where you don't have to wait a month." Then doc writes the number to a neurologist and Maimonides psychology. He asks what's the name of the doc who refused to prescribe meds. I answered and he says "forget about him". He says "see a neurologist because a psychiatrist will just dismiss her as drug seeking". Mom told him I torture her saying I have OCD. Doc says I am right to torture her as OCD is serious. He told my mom to take this OCD seriously.
When I got home dad told me that the neurologist he referred us to isn't in our insurance and gave me a list of doctors. One wasn't accepting new patients. One didn't pick up the phone. I called another one and it was in TWO WEEKS. She said there is another neurologist in their office which was available sooner. I said yes and dad googled her to make sure she was in our insurance plan and she was. When I saw her she said I have to see a psychiatrist for OCD. I told her I already saw a psychiatrist who refused to treat my OCD and my primary care doctor said to see a neurologist. She said in the Soviet Union neurologists treated OCD but in America psychiatrists treat OCD and canceled my appointment.
A week and a day before my appointment with the new psychiatrist, my mom spoke to the nurse at my grandmother's nursing home. She asked nurses what is OCD. The nurse told her. Mom says "Maybe you indeed do have OCD. You walk back and forth." She said she didn't understand what OCD was when she opened her mouth at the first appointment but understands more now.
My appointment with the new psychiatrist is this Wednesday at 3:00. Hopefully he will prescribe meds.
At age 19 I kept checking doors repeatedly to see if I locked them. My sister told me "you already checked" and my family was annoyed with these behaviors but that didn't dissuade me. Then my symptoms got worse. If I walked a certain path I had to walk back the same path. I would spent 1-2 hours deciding which path to take. Last year I was late to a psychotherapy appointment just because I went back to the beach boardwalk to take a different exit. If I read a sentence, I have to read it twice. I in the beginning of a YouTube video I go back to the beginning to watch the video twice.
On April 24 I had an appointment with a psychiatrist. I filled out a questionnaire. Office staff said I had to take a urinalysis and I asked why since I was there for OCD. Then I saw the psychiatrist. I told him I had OCD and told him my symptoms, such as walking back and forth, repeating certain phrases, counting steps, etc. I also told him my OCD is becoming unmanageable and I need medication. He asks me checklist questions about my OCD which I could only answer "yes" or "no". I answered "no" to many of the questions but most of the questions did not match my symptoms. He also asks a bunch of questions about my history and does the mental status exam, such as who is the president, math problems, what would you do, etc. He then asks to speak to my mom and asks her questions about history such as marriage, pregnancy, when I was a young child, etc. Then my mom starts complaining about me, how my dad yelled because of something I did last night, etc. I told her to be quiet but doc insists I let her speak. Before the appointment I told her not to speak to the doctor but she said she will call the police if she can't speak to the doctor. She thinks the police help her and give her good advice. He mainly spoke to my mom and my mom was complaining about me and saying she doesn't want me to live with them. He suggested a supported apartment and asked me what I wanted to be started talking about my career plans. He referred me to Ohel family which offers a supported apartment and employment training. In the end I asked why he didn't prescribe meds. As we were leaving I asked him if he was going to treat my OCD. He answers with the dismissive hand gesture he will treat my OCD. I then did the urinalysis and handed them the cup. Then I was walking back and forth in and out of the bathroom, as if I forgot something. I would go back and forth touching things until it felt right. Later that day my mom told me that in order for the doctor to prescribe meds I have to first be evaluated by Ohel. She told me the psychiatrist can't prescribe meds at the first appointment. That night my dad told me to call Ohel.
The next day my mom calls Ohel. She told them I am "svoyeobraznaya" in Russian which translates as "peculiar" but means "not like everyone else". The director told my mom that "is not a diagnosis" and they need a diagnosis. Mom starts telling them diagnosis unrelated to my OCD. I insist she hang up the phone and she got mad. I was not willing to call Ohel after this because I thought she would ruin everything like she did with the appointment. I wanted to treat my OCD only. I was not comfortable with the doctor and questioned whether I should make another appointment. I never did. Later I started volunteering for the library full time. I was complaining about OCD. My dad told me to look for a new psychiatrist and if he has to pay out of pocket, this will be the last psych he will pay for. I was very picky about my psychiatrist, and would not choose anyone with less than 4 star ratings. He has great reviews, a few blocks from me, and is a professional member of the American Psychiatric Association, wrote in his description he treats OCD, and is in our insurance plan. But the earliest available appointment was a month away. So, I went to my primary care physician. I was still seeing a pediatrician at age 21. I was nervous so I brought my mom. But we agreed she would only stay with me until the doctor comes.
Doc leads me to the exam room asking what brings me here. I told him "I have OCD If I walk on the wrong side of the sidewalk I have to walk back. I avoid stepping on manhole covers." He says he cannot treat OCD but can refer me to professionals who will. Then he asks me if I take meds for this and I said no. He asks "why aren't you taking meds" and I told him I already went to a psychiatrist and he thought I didn't need meds. Doc says "That's not true. You do need meds?." He takes my height and weight at the front of the office and my mom was there. "I will refer you to providers where you don't have to wait a month." Then doc writes the number to a neurologist and Maimonides psychology. He asks what's the name of the doc who refused to prescribe meds. I answered and he says "forget about him". He says "see a neurologist because a psychiatrist will just dismiss her as drug seeking". Mom told him I torture her saying I have OCD. Doc says I am right to torture her as OCD is serious. He told my mom to take this OCD seriously.
When I got home dad told me that the neurologist he referred us to isn't in our insurance and gave me a list of doctors. One wasn't accepting new patients. One didn't pick up the phone. I called another one and it was in TWO WEEKS. She said there is another neurologist in their office which was available sooner. I said yes and dad googled her to make sure she was in our insurance plan and she was. When I saw her she said I have to see a psychiatrist for OCD. I told her I already saw a psychiatrist who refused to treat my OCD and my primary care doctor said to see a neurologist. She said in the Soviet Union neurologists treated OCD but in America psychiatrists treat OCD and canceled my appointment.
A week and a day before my appointment with the new psychiatrist, my mom spoke to the nurse at my grandmother's nursing home. She asked nurses what is OCD. The nurse told her. Mom says "Maybe you indeed do have OCD. You walk back and forth." She said she didn't understand what OCD was when she opened her mouth at the first appointment but understands more now.
My appointment with the new psychiatrist is this Wednesday at 3:00. Hopefully he will prescribe meds.
