How being forgiving makes us vulnerable to narcissism [I Want To Spread Narcissism Awareness]
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MgQLLJQoAU]
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Mamapolo2016 · F
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Abstraction · 61-69, M
@berangere A couple of thoughts:
[quote]forgive them do it to feel better about themselves because they believe that forgiving is the right thing to do[/quote]
In some cases. But the statement assumes that a person's motives for forgiving or doing the right thing are to, 'feel good about themselves.' People are more complex than that. Sure, it may apply to some, but many do the right thing because it part of the values they subscribe to. There's a difference. It's a myth that every act is selfish.
[quote]because some deliberate and intentional actions at harming another person are simply unforgivable and one should have the priviledge to chose that option[/quote]
I note the person in the video talks about people who 'spout their opinions about forgiveness.'
My organisation worked with extreme trauma of victims of the Rwanda genocide. That took a little more than opinions. Because almost nothing was working, and many of these people were utterly dysfunctional. Almost every approach tried by myriad groups around the country failed. Only two approaches worked: one was a church-based approach, and the other was secular-based.
Part of healing is disconnecting from the damage done to you by another. It's about becoming free from it. In the most extreme cases it has to start with the trauma, not talk about forgiveness or moving on. Only when the trauma has been to some extent processed were the folk in Rwanda able to reach a point of decision: to continue with this level of pain or find another path. I don't care if you call it forgiveness or something else, but disconnecting from the power of what they have inflicted on you and choosing to live free from this is very powerful. To hate is to continue to be dehumanised by their behaviour.
[quote]one should have the priviledge to chose that option.[/quote]
Yes. Strongly, strongly agree with you. People who come along from the outside telling you what you must do are ignorant.
[quote]because some deliberate and intentional actions at harming another person are simply unforgivable[/quote]
Rwandan people who came through this were just ordinary people. But many of them are my heroes. Many reached out to those who killed their relatives in ways that are difficult to comprehend. Not to feel better about themselves, but because they overcame evil with love.
So, sorry, long response, just my views.
[quote]forgive them do it to feel better about themselves because they believe that forgiving is the right thing to do[/quote]
In some cases. But the statement assumes that a person's motives for forgiving or doing the right thing are to, 'feel good about themselves.' People are more complex than that. Sure, it may apply to some, but many do the right thing because it part of the values they subscribe to. There's a difference. It's a myth that every act is selfish.
[quote]because some deliberate and intentional actions at harming another person are simply unforgivable and one should have the priviledge to chose that option[/quote]
I note the person in the video talks about people who 'spout their opinions about forgiveness.'
My organisation worked with extreme trauma of victims of the Rwanda genocide. That took a little more than opinions. Because almost nothing was working, and many of these people were utterly dysfunctional. Almost every approach tried by myriad groups around the country failed. Only two approaches worked: one was a church-based approach, and the other was secular-based.
Part of healing is disconnecting from the damage done to you by another. It's about becoming free from it. In the most extreme cases it has to start with the trauma, not talk about forgiveness or moving on. Only when the trauma has been to some extent processed were the folk in Rwanda able to reach a point of decision: to continue with this level of pain or find another path. I don't care if you call it forgiveness or something else, but disconnecting from the power of what they have inflicted on you and choosing to live free from this is very powerful. To hate is to continue to be dehumanised by their behaviour.
[quote]one should have the priviledge to chose that option.[/quote]
Yes. Strongly, strongly agree with you. People who come along from the outside telling you what you must do are ignorant.
[quote]because some deliberate and intentional actions at harming another person are simply unforgivable[/quote]
Rwandan people who came through this were just ordinary people. But many of them are my heroes. Many reached out to those who killed their relatives in ways that are difficult to comprehend. Not to feel better about themselves, but because they overcame evil with love.
So, sorry, long response, just my views.
berangere · 80-89, F
@Abstraction Thank you for your answer and thank you for the support you gave those victims of genocide.Yes,disconnection is not allowing something to continue harming you emotionally and to move on,you can disconnect without "forgiving" basically forgiving is saying that what was done to you can be overlooked,and this makes many people who forgive because they feel it is the right thing to do "sold down river"you should have the privilege to say and feel "no,I will not forgive,what was done to me does not deserve forgiveness" and not feel bad or guilty about it,then you can disconnect if you can,the thing is to get rid of the anger you have inside you at the gratuitous cruelty that was done to you and the anger you have at yourself for having allowed it to happen.Those victims of genocide who reached out to their abusers are the ultimate example of what love is meant to be,but love is lost on narcissists and toxic people.