I Am Facinated By Insanity
A Different Frequency Of Thought... I have been fascinated by insanity ever since I was a little kid. But it actually goes above and beyond that... I admire insanity. I don't believe that there is something wrong with insanity, I believe it is just another frequency of thought. Just another way to express yourself.
It all started with Pink Floyd. When I grew up I got obsessed with Pink Floyd's album The Wall. It relates a story of a man that builds a wall to isolate himself from society and then builds up to him losing his sanity. I reenacted this story in my living room a hundred times when I was a kid. Listening loudly to the music and allowing myself to slip away.
Apart from the indirect exposure to insanity through music, my mother was a Schizophrenic. I was too young to properly understand what Schizophrenia is, so I mocked her most of the time. But at other times I listened. She related entire conversations she had with the voices over to me. Sometimes I even gave her messages to convey to them. I was convinced that I would work at a mental institution when i grow up, because I had a way of communicating with those who had already lost their minds. Now I understand the why of that much better. My best friend is a paranoid schizophrenic and I'm most likely schizophrenic too. This doesn't bother me that much however. Like I said, insanity is not insanity... its just a different perspective, a different frequency of thought.
As I grew up I carried this fascination with insanity with me. I read all of my father's psychology handbooks before I went to high-school. When I reached high-school however, I just let myself go. I didn't care what anyone thought about me anymore. It turns out most of my peers avoided me because they thought I was insane. This might not have been my intent, but it served my purposes well. After being continuously bullied in primary school I was happy to be left alone. I changed my mind about working at an asylum however, I've noticed that spending time among the mentally ill increases my own psychosis. It would be the final irony if I were admitted to an asylum where I used to work. So I decided to avoid all people who might see my underlying psychosis while I strive to better understand it.
So many years have passed since the theme of insanity was introduced into my life, and I am still as eager to learn about it as I was back then. I still admire it. And if I lose my mind completely one day, I want people to know that it is not always as unpleasant as it seems. There is a lot of comfort and understanding in insanity. It is simply a different way of experiencing the world.
It all started with Pink Floyd. When I grew up I got obsessed with Pink Floyd's album The Wall. It relates a story of a man that builds a wall to isolate himself from society and then builds up to him losing his sanity. I reenacted this story in my living room a hundred times when I was a kid. Listening loudly to the music and allowing myself to slip away.
Apart from the indirect exposure to insanity through music, my mother was a Schizophrenic. I was too young to properly understand what Schizophrenia is, so I mocked her most of the time. But at other times I listened. She related entire conversations she had with the voices over to me. Sometimes I even gave her messages to convey to them. I was convinced that I would work at a mental institution when i grow up, because I had a way of communicating with those who had already lost their minds. Now I understand the why of that much better. My best friend is a paranoid schizophrenic and I'm most likely schizophrenic too. This doesn't bother me that much however. Like I said, insanity is not insanity... its just a different perspective, a different frequency of thought.
As I grew up I carried this fascination with insanity with me. I read all of my father's psychology handbooks before I went to high-school. When I reached high-school however, I just let myself go. I didn't care what anyone thought about me anymore. It turns out most of my peers avoided me because they thought I was insane. This might not have been my intent, but it served my purposes well. After being continuously bullied in primary school I was happy to be left alone. I changed my mind about working at an asylum however, I've noticed that spending time among the mentally ill increases my own psychosis. It would be the final irony if I were admitted to an asylum where I used to work. So I decided to avoid all people who might see my underlying psychosis while I strive to better understand it.
So many years have passed since the theme of insanity was introduced into my life, and I am still as eager to learn about it as I was back then. I still admire it. And if I lose my mind completely one day, I want people to know that it is not always as unpleasant as it seems. There is a lot of comfort and understanding in insanity. It is simply a different way of experiencing the world.
31-35, F