Restless, Ruined, Remembering

I am restless today.
My body won’t sit still,
and my mind won’t shut up.
The music can’t get loud enough to drown it out.
The house—scrubbed, wiped, rearranged—
still feels dirty.


I can’t catch my breath.
I hate this day.
I hate it so much.


I’m tempted to drink.
To blur the edges.
But it’s early.
And I’m alone.
And my mind isn’t safe.
It’s cruel.
It loops the worst parts on repeat—
like I deserve it.


Today, I’m afraid the monsters might win.
And part of me…
is too tired to fight them.