I Battle Self-hatred, Anxiety, And Depression
This is for all those who LOVES someone with anxiety / depression / self-hatred / PTSD
Do you know what anxiety feels like?
This:
Anxiety - "Your going to have a panic attack now"
Me - 'What' Why?"
Anxiety - "No reason your just going to have one"
Me - "But I don't want to"
Anxiety - "I know but you don't have a choice"
Me - "No, there's no reason for it"
Anxiety - "Are you sure? Let's make a list of all of the impossible, stupid and stressful outcomes that most likely won't happen but let's pretend that it will"
- BAM and VOILA ....welcome to anxiety.
It's like a time bomb and the only safe place is by feeding it with all the worst possible scenarios and analysing every single impossible outcome that is far beyond normal analogy.
And it is in OUR mind.
We are having this conversation to ourselves, in our head. A prisoner and victim of the ego that is lingering in the future.
The true victims are all the people who live with the ones with all of the above. You don't understand why one minute they love you and the next are biting your head off.
You are their anchor. You will be their punching bag. You will receive words of love conflicted with hate.
- You will also be the only one that can catch them when they fall.
Unfortunately you are also the only one that they expect will disappoint them by leaving them.
Please know that they may not say it or show it in their 'moment' but they need you more than you know.
The reason why they turn you away making you feel as though you can't help is because they feel as though they are a burden. They don't want you to become their shadow and from personal experience, seeing how much their words (although said in a place of innocence) have slowly impacted you until they can see a glimpse of themselves in your reflection.
This is why you guys don't get enough credit.
To put up with their demons only they can see. To feel helpless for not being able to take away their invisible scars.
To not being able to protect them because you have to be careful with your words.
Words that could either trigger the bomb in them to go off or .... the words to make it a little bit ok. To walk on eggshells when you see their anxiety start to surface.
To take care of them while sacrificing your own needs.
And still stay because you care.
If I could give you guys a message from us who suffer from the above it would this -
- We do love you.
- We do notice the efforts you do.
- We see how much you love us.
- We do appreciate it.
- We see that you feel as though your to blame
- We see it all, we notice it all, we see your beautiful heart.
- Thank You
Don't give up on them. Dont believe when they tell you they don't need you. It is a silent scream that they do. Most importantly, know that there is a difference between emotional abuse and it is not your responsibility to save them. If it ever gets too much, remember this - IT IS NOT AND NEVER WILL BE YOUR FAULT.
Xx
Do you know what anxiety feels like?
This:
Anxiety - "Your going to have a panic attack now"
Me - 'What' Why?"
Anxiety - "No reason your just going to have one"
Me - "But I don't want to"
Anxiety - "I know but you don't have a choice"
Me - "No, there's no reason for it"
Anxiety - "Are you sure? Let's make a list of all of the impossible, stupid and stressful outcomes that most likely won't happen but let's pretend that it will"
- BAM and VOILA ....welcome to anxiety.
It's like a time bomb and the only safe place is by feeding it with all the worst possible scenarios and analysing every single impossible outcome that is far beyond normal analogy.
And it is in OUR mind.
We are having this conversation to ourselves, in our head. A prisoner and victim of the ego that is lingering in the future.
The true victims are all the people who live with the ones with all of the above. You don't understand why one minute they love you and the next are biting your head off.
You are their anchor. You will be their punching bag. You will receive words of love conflicted with hate.
- You will also be the only one that can catch them when they fall.
Unfortunately you are also the only one that they expect will disappoint them by leaving them.
Please know that they may not say it or show it in their 'moment' but they need you more than you know.
The reason why they turn you away making you feel as though you can't help is because they feel as though they are a burden. They don't want you to become their shadow and from personal experience, seeing how much their words (although said in a place of innocence) have slowly impacted you until they can see a glimpse of themselves in your reflection.
This is why you guys don't get enough credit.
To put up with their demons only they can see. To feel helpless for not being able to take away their invisible scars.
To not being able to protect them because you have to be careful with your words.
Words that could either trigger the bomb in them to go off or .... the words to make it a little bit ok. To walk on eggshells when you see their anxiety start to surface.
To take care of them while sacrificing your own needs.
And still stay because you care.
If I could give you guys a message from us who suffer from the above it would this -
- We do love you.
- We do notice the efforts you do.
- We see how much you love us.
- We do appreciate it.
- We see that you feel as though your to blame
- We see it all, we notice it all, we see your beautiful heart.
- Thank You
Don't give up on them. Dont believe when they tell you they don't need you. It is a silent scream that they do. Most importantly, know that there is a difference between emotional abuse and it is not your responsibility to save them. If it ever gets too much, remember this - IT IS NOT AND NEVER WILL BE YOUR FAULT.
Xx
