I Am Depressed

How many times will I sit in the dark. How many times will I wonder why I'm alone. How many smiles will I have to fake and how many times will I feel the pain. I ask these to myself daily for each day I wake up it just seems like the same thing. I miss being happy miss laughing and smiling. I miss hanging out with friends and just enjoying life. But now I can't enjoy anything. What I used to do for fun only brings pain. I no longer have people who I can hang with or converse too. Just pointless really like what else have I got. I'm not happy that much is certain. And I am unable to feel good. I'm in introvert insecure depressed being which people see as a tool and an asset.and the kicker isni don't even care about it all I just don't care about anything because I'm just numb to it. I tried to be happy but its just no use so I sit here now like I've always done just sit and think.. what happens to me now