I Battle Depression

I don't know what to do anymore. Cry myself to sleep just to pretend everything is okay. Smile like I am fine because I know no one can help. I have tried to get help, tried to find a way to cope. But I am slowly losing myself becoming a shadow of who I once was. I want to be my old self again but I am so alone.

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firefall · 61-69, M

It is ghastly, I remember, feeling like you're in the shadows, disappearing. I wish I had a way to help, the best I can say is, if you can find someone to talk to, who won't try to 'fix' you, just listen and understand. That can help .. a bit.

But so much of mental state is about physical state - hormones, blood sugars, that stuff - that it's worth trying to hold onto the idea that this will change, given enough time.

nekogirl · 22-25, F

It's been almost 5 years now I have hoped and tried. I will always be the outcast the reject nobody wants to be around.

firefall · 61-69, M

@zeeneko: that's a long long haul :(
IDK, I eventually found other outcasts & eccentrics, at university, & started making connections.

One of the hardest things for me was accepting the idea that you can't make people like you, all you can do is be your true self, and wait for those who like you for that, to show up

nekogirl · 22-25, F

@firefall: but what if no one likes when you are you. It seems like nobody likes me when i try to open up and be who i am

firefall · 61-69, M

@zeeneko: I think, given enough people, there are always a few that will like you for you - one of the advantages of university is simply it's such a bigger agglomeration of people, hence a better chance of meeting some.

nekogirl · 22-25, F

I won't be able to go to a university

firefall · 61-69, M

@zeeneko: Ah, I'm sorry to hear that. What country do you live in?

nekogirl · 22-25, F

I live in Georgia

firefall · 61-69, M

@zeeneko: the US one, I assume :)

Hm, from what I've been told, not the most welcoming sort of place for people who don't 'fit'. Actually, after Arkansas, Louisiana & Florida, I'm starting to think that's true of most of the South. Do you think you could bear leaving home, moving far away? (not now, obv, but when you're done with school)

nekogirl · 22-25, F

I have already graduated from school I just can't go to college

firefall · 61-69, M

@zeeneko: Oh, I see. Well congrats on the graduating bit, anyway. & the idea of moving far off, do you think that's feasible for you? (I'm thinking if you can't do the college thing, then maybe moving to a big city might give you avenues to meet people who would find you amenable).

nekogirl · 22-25, F

I might try to when I turn 19

firefall · 61-69, M

@zeeneko: Fair enough. I found moving far quite scary the first time, but since then it's just gotten easier & easier.

nekogirl · 22-25, F

I do not think I will mind moving