I Fight Depression and Loneliness Everyday

I am someone who easily falls into depression. So I have times where I feel like screaming out for help but it feels like no one can hear me. Then everything gets worse from there. I am someone who lives in the past and so every night I relive my life replaying scenes with different lines as if it meant something. I know I can't do anything about the past but it still chains me. All of the what ifs chase me into an anxiety filled ball of nothingness who feels like she can't breathe. Especially now that I have a son. God I love him he's my heart. I know I had him young. I wish I hadn't but it's not like I wanted to go out partying or anything, that had never been my thing. I think it's because of well love or even adventure. I wanted so many things and now i feel trapped in a box. Having a kid doesn't stop me I know and I do love his father we're still together but I'm a stay at home mom now. I almost never go out and have almost no friends because prior to this and even now I'm introverted so I didn't like hanging out much but I did love my friends. Now they are gone cause well our lives don't match up any more. I feel so alone. I can't breathe and I feel like crying. Sometimes I imagine taking my son and leaving my significant other and seeing how I fair on my own, but that's wrong. I do love him and he loves me. It would destroy him. I don't want to break my family apart especially when everything is exactly how it should be but I want to feel like I can breathe again, like I'm not alone. Maybe it's just the depression. Maybe I'm just looking for something wrong. I don't know though and I'm so lost and tired of crying by myself.