I am more depressed than I've ever been in my life.

That is saying something because I can recall first feeling depressed as early as around 7 years old. It has become very severe since then.

Now, it's a bit different than I've experienced before. I've certainly felt more sad than I do right now but in terms of just how I percieve the world around me and my motivation to get involved or care about anything, it has never been worse.

Does that make sense? It used to be my feelings inside that I would describe as "depressed" — now it feels more like it's outside myself. I look at the world around me and it has no meaning.

I've just lost faith that I will ever live a fulfilling life, in any sense of the word.

I don't expect anyone here to have a solution. I guess writing this is just an experiment to see if I can somehow overcome it after getting the words out.