Battling The Beast

You've often heard depression being described as a black dog, I consider my dark side a beast because it's not just depression I end up wrestling but anxiety and compounded loneliness. Add fear, frustration, anger, self loathing and that's a modern Hydra I am dueling more often than not these days. Not intentionally mind you, I don't think anyone goes looking for depression or orders big boxes of anxiety and loneliness from Amazon. Most of the time, I do pretty good and keep that 'Shadow self' as Carl Jung described it in a manageable state. But then there are days and weeks that strengthen the Shadow while empowering the Beast to the point where there's a dark ravenous hungry need to self destruct. Whether it's spending money, eating something I know isn't good for me or putting off the gym to wallow in misery and self pity. I have a few online friends I reach out to when I feel myself drowning entirely in the deep end of the pool and they remind that I'm still good person despite all my flaws and sins. According to Gordon Allport, the central theme of existentialism is "to live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and in dying. But no man can tell another what this purpose is. Each man must find out for himself, and must accept the responsibility that his answer prescribes. If he succeeds he will continue to grow in spite of all indignities."

Which ties into a brilliant quote by Nietzsche - 'He who has a why[i] to live can bear almost anyhow.'[/i] My why used to be a noble quest for a fairytale romance and a crusade for a family of friends who could compliment my biological family. Help offset some painful losses and be a true family by heart or soul if you prefer with no one person taking precedence ahead of others. 27 years of disappointments, defeats, cruel reality checks, former friends turned enemies along with forgotten paramours who would rather go fight in Yemen than invest in a love affair with me takes a real toll.

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GoFish ·

Aww hope things get better for you .. i used to be depressed till my hub got me a cute puppy.. she’s my happiness.. she’s very adorable just the epitome of cuteness

DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

You surround yourself with negativity therefore you will find what you seek. And that is negativity.

All those sources are about the self. And very few refer to seeking out others.

Yes you can do either extreme. And there's a consequence for only seeking positivity as well as negativity.

Yet Jung, Allport and Nietzsche, are all basically negative self orientation.

Get out! Expand your universe. There's a world beyond self introspection.

BTW I'm not against existentialism. There are some good solid points. Yet again the first part of that word begins with "exist". In other words the self.

And humanity is massively social! The group matters the most. Not the individual!

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DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

@ControlledInKaos Had this argument with AI.

To clarify it's the approach. Infants don't really start out selfish. Only when their needs are not taken care of are they selfish. They are mostly observant. Its how they approach this.

They start out from the self then justify the inclusion from the perspective of the self.

ControlledInKaos · 41-45, M

@DeWayfarer That is precisely the basis of Carl Jung: we start out as complete people and then get divided into what is socially acceptable and what isn't. That is the whole premise of the Shadow Self.

DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

@ControlledInKaos You are right that is Jung's approach. It's as well where he is wrong.

The social comes first. BECAUSE they are so observant! It's not a blank! The need to be social comes first.

BTW this is even true with animals. And why it's so important they around their own kind after birth. The need to be social is across the whole species board. The need to bond is that important.

How do they bond? They observe! With animals it involves far more than sight. It includes especially smells. Often they can't even see.

val70 · 56-60

I'm afraid that the black dog has consumed me in my entirety. Nothing to worry about as yet, but for recent events I've been letting myself and my surroundings go. It dates now atleast one decade. Since the death of my mom in 2012. I've always had spells of depression but this came upon me very slowly. I try to find reasons but the only thing that I can find is that I'm blocked in anything that I like to do. Like in relationships too. I love but then there's something blocking it. I won't type down anything more. Perhaps save it for another posting of mine instead. My main concern is that it's never always the same and be really careful for the total darkness out there. Hugs your way!

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