Loneliness and Self Hatred

I keep deactivating all of my social media accounts due to feeling completely disconnected from everyone I used to talk to. Yes, I get that years pass, people move on...but it feels like I am somehow stuck. It's so embarrassing honestly, how much I come and go, always expecting a deeper connection. I need to let high school go...it was almost ten years ago...also the last time I logged onto this site...I guess I am just still trying to heal my inner child who never made any friends in real life, despite desperately wanting to. And as an adult, I just feel stupid and like a piece of scum on the bottom of everyone else's shoes...Somehow the sketchiest of forums and random sites like this is where I continue to hide, since my social phobia for some reason deems these types of places more acceptable than Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat. Nothing on there feels real anymore and makes me feel even worse. Still long for that connection...all of my old online friends grew up, got real friends, real lives, as they should..but also most forgot about me. And I gave up trying to hit up these people who clearly want nothing to do with me.