I Battle Depression and Anxiety

It sucks, mine stems from alcohol and drug abuse for years, I'm clean and sober now but take Welbutrin XL and Xanax to help, and I don't know if they do or not and I've been takijng them foir years, my doctor wont up the mg's of the Xanax, I take the 1 mg tablet 3 times aday, he could do the 2 mg pills but says it's too much, but it's been proven that your body becomes amune to the medication the longer you take it so at times I've doubled up and took 2 at onjce and feel so much more at ease, the only problem with that is you run out earlier in the month, and since Xanax is a controlled substance, you can't get early refills, so you have to tough it out for 3-4 day out of the month when you run out early,k taking the bad with the good I guess. But now I hate that I got in so far over my head with strong painkilling medications like Oxy's, percocets and vicodin among others, I smoked pot by the bail, no I'm not bragging, I OD'd once, being brought back from the dead (thanks for that one God), I want to justy feel normal, but what is normal in my case?