i’ll be honest, i feel alone about 95% of the time, and i know i shouldn’t feel that way.

You shouldn't. It's tough when it gets so low that you just stop being receptive to what's around. Feeling like it has to be faced alone and that it's just an unnecessary burden for others. I wish I knew how to change that thinking but the mind can be quite torturous. One day at a time....I hope it gets better for you.