The "Golden Years"
For the last few months, I have been thinking a lot about the turn my life would take if my husband passes before me. It's not outside the realm of possibility. I am 66 and he is 73. We both have minor health problems, but nothing really bad.
I'm really anxious about the plethora of things that need to be considered:
The first thing that gives me anxiety is the sheer amount of paperwork that will need to be taken care of right away. My husband is retired Air Force, and that in itself presents a few things that would need to be taken care of right away. The AF would need to be notified and presented with a death certificate, Tri Care would need to be notified and presented with a death certificate, Express Scripts would need to be notified and presented with a death certificate, and my military ID would need to be changed to reflect my new status.
Then there's Social Security that needs to be notified ASAP before his next payment comes in, or it would need to be paid back. They also require a death certificate. Also, my status there would have to be re-evaluated as I draw on his record.
I would have to find a way to get him to the grave plot we own in another state far away. And, of course taking care of the burial. Also, I would need to get in touch with his family in a state even further away than the plot. And it doesn't help that I've never met any of them and that they do not approve of me.
And that is just the urgent things. Then, there are the finances. Currently my husband gets AF retirement benefits and about the same amount in SS. I get less than half the SS he does and would not be eligible for his retirement benefits bc I am not his first wife (the one he was married to when he retired.) I don't know how I'd make it with so little income. All kinds of "services" we now have would need to be either cut off or amended. I would not be able to afford, and in some cases would not be interested in keeping, many of the bills we have that are comfortably affordable now. We do have a good amount of savings (about the same as the remaining mortage amount), but am fearful to pay off the house and not have any money at all. I've read that if you'd be cash poor afterwards, it would probably not be a good idea to spend all savings on paying off the house.
And lastly, we live in a state far away from all family. If he passed, I would be completely alone. And I'm not getting any younger, obviously. I don't want to be alone. It's not that I "need a man", I just want some people around me that know me well and care. My father lives in a housing authority apartment, my mom passed in 2015, and the only one of my children that could and would be a support is in a small apartment and lives paycheck to paycheck, so no coming here to help, even with the burial. I have no siblings.
I've talked to him about this, but he just thinks it will be a long time before "we" need to think about these things. If it is me who passes first, apart from losing me, his life would change very little. He just doesn't seem to get why I'm anxious about all these things...and that just makes me more anxious.
I'm really anxious about the plethora of things that need to be considered:
The first thing that gives me anxiety is the sheer amount of paperwork that will need to be taken care of right away. My husband is retired Air Force, and that in itself presents a few things that would need to be taken care of right away. The AF would need to be notified and presented with a death certificate, Tri Care would need to be notified and presented with a death certificate, Express Scripts would need to be notified and presented with a death certificate, and my military ID would need to be changed to reflect my new status.
Then there's Social Security that needs to be notified ASAP before his next payment comes in, or it would need to be paid back. They also require a death certificate. Also, my status there would have to be re-evaluated as I draw on his record.
I would have to find a way to get him to the grave plot we own in another state far away. And, of course taking care of the burial. Also, I would need to get in touch with his family in a state even further away than the plot. And it doesn't help that I've never met any of them and that they do not approve of me.
And that is just the urgent things. Then, there are the finances. Currently my husband gets AF retirement benefits and about the same amount in SS. I get less than half the SS he does and would not be eligible for his retirement benefits bc I am not his first wife (the one he was married to when he retired.) I don't know how I'd make it with so little income. All kinds of "services" we now have would need to be either cut off or amended. I would not be able to afford, and in some cases would not be interested in keeping, many of the bills we have that are comfortably affordable now. We do have a good amount of savings (about the same as the remaining mortage amount), but am fearful to pay off the house and not have any money at all. I've read that if you'd be cash poor afterwards, it would probably not be a good idea to spend all savings on paying off the house.
And lastly, we live in a state far away from all family. If he passed, I would be completely alone. And I'm not getting any younger, obviously. I don't want to be alone. It's not that I "need a man", I just want some people around me that know me well and care. My father lives in a housing authority apartment, my mom passed in 2015, and the only one of my children that could and would be a support is in a small apartment and lives paycheck to paycheck, so no coming here to help, even with the burial. I have no siblings.
I've talked to him about this, but he just thinks it will be a long time before "we" need to think about these things. If it is me who passes first, apart from losing me, his life would change very little. He just doesn't seem to get why I'm anxious about all these things...and that just makes me more anxious.
61-69, F
