I can’t afford a mental crisis right now.

Not with everything else going on.
Not with my life already torn apart and flipped inside out.
Not when I have things that need me. People who rely on me.
Not when I don’t even have the energy to take a deep breath without it hurting.

But here I am.
Slipping.
The thoughts are louder than they’ve been in a long time.
The blade keeps showing up in my mind like it’s some kind of answer.
And I know where this road leads.
I’ve been down it before — and I’m terrified, because it’s starting to feel inevitable.

And I hate it.
I hate that this is how my brain works.
I hate that I can’t just snap out of it.
I hate that I hate myself so much I can barely stand being in my own skin.

I just needed to say it somewhere.
Because holding it in is making me drown.
And I don’t have the time or strength to fall apart right now.
But God, I feel like I’m already breaking.

Please. Just… I don’t even know what I need.
But I know I can’t keep doing this alone.