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Developed a new fantasy

I'm at a point where i fantasize about being crazy and living in a mental facility or something. At least maybe then i can delude myself into being happy.
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Youre kinda assuming youre gona be treated humanely and not have any malpractice and for all your nurses to look at you as more than a patient but a person likeee ive been there before and its really dehumanizing sometimes thats a tall order but they do give you lots of drugs