Sometimes I feel like I’m just ‘existing’ and I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself
It would be a little different if I had at least one platonic girl friend I could call when I start to spiral but I don’t have anyone as far as friendships. My husband is an amazing man and I can talk to him about (almost) anything. But when it comes to making friends, he can’t make them for me.
I def get a bit jealous of the fact that he does have at least one or 2 platonic friends that he can talk to if needed and I think the 2 main things that make me feel like that is 1. I’m home alone all day every day with my 2 toddlers and nobody ever comes over to see me or my kids but when I go to work for 4 hours at night, those one or 2 friends of hubbys will come hang out with him when I’m not there.
And 2. Is when they do come over, they always leave before I get off work. Like maybe 30min to an hour before i get off and they leave which again they’re not my friends so they have no obligation towards me at all. But the feeling of rejection or not being apart of ‘the cool kids club’ when I see they come and leave is the worst internal mental feeling I’ve ever felt. The loneliness day in and day out is starting to become unbearable. Nobody calls to see how I’m doing or my kids are doing. I speak jibberish toddler talk more than actual words because nobody comes over.
My husband doesn’t get that even though he’s at work and around just coworkers, he’s at least still engaging with other adults with actual words. I can count on one hand the amount of other adults I talk to in a week and it’s not even a full hand of people. I feel like I’m losing my mind…
I def get a bit jealous of the fact that he does have at least one or 2 platonic friends that he can talk to if needed and I think the 2 main things that make me feel like that is 1. I’m home alone all day every day with my 2 toddlers and nobody ever comes over to see me or my kids but when I go to work for 4 hours at night, those one or 2 friends of hubbys will come hang out with him when I’m not there.
And 2. Is when they do come over, they always leave before I get off work. Like maybe 30min to an hour before i get off and they leave which again they’re not my friends so they have no obligation towards me at all. But the feeling of rejection or not being apart of ‘the cool kids club’ when I see they come and leave is the worst internal mental feeling I’ve ever felt. The loneliness day in and day out is starting to become unbearable. Nobody calls to see how I’m doing or my kids are doing. I speak jibberish toddler talk more than actual words because nobody comes over.
My husband doesn’t get that even though he’s at work and around just coworkers, he’s at least still engaging with other adults with actual words. I can count on one hand the amount of other adults I talk to in a week and it’s not even a full hand of people. I feel like I’m losing my mind…
