I want it all out

I honestly don't know what is going on with me. I am losing hope for life. Before, I used to see my future- it was bright and full of joy- now, all I see is death. I no longer have the will to live- but, I am afraid of dying. But then again, my mind would suddenly show me ways of dying- like hanging myself in the ceiling, or cutting my wrist, or jumping off the building. I wanted to talk it out with someone, but I couldn't. It was hard. I was afraid. I kept telling myself that what I am going through is nothing compared to what others are going through, and that was a fact. I hate how I was good at putting on a façade- because of that, no one's noticing what is going on inside me. No one knows that there was something inside me that is slowly eating up my sanity. I want them to notice it. I want them to embrace me. I want them to tell me I did a great job fighting it. I want them see I was suffering. But then again, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that, after they'll notice, I'll be a burden to them. I don't want to be a burden. Please, I just want to disappear.