i need help

“Vent” letter
Hello, I decided to write everything I feel in this letter, because, I don't know, I want help even though I can continue...
I feel ugly, horrible, fat, I don't know…. It's just that, some days I feel fine and other days I feel like dying, which is why I always minimize my problems by saying that I'm not suffering, although if I do, and even though they tell me that I'm skinny and pretty, I don't feel like that... on top of that … I feel useless, because even if I feel bad, I don't do anything to change it, I can't help but eat and I don't get to vomit, exercise or talk, and I feel that nobody supports me in this, so I just have to ignore the problem because " It's not a problem" I already have a lot minimizing my problems that I keep them to myself... and I don't know, I'm not suffering but at the same time yes... I feel like I don't fit in anywhere, I feel ugly, useless, alone, but... I'm not going to write more... because "I want to attract attention" or because "I am not suffering" because "people suffer more"

I came back... it's just... I feel absolutely nothing... I mean, I do feel... but I don't recognize what I feel, the only feeling I recognize is anxiety... I have so little emotional motivation that I don't want to do anything... and the only thing that gives me "pleasure" is the food… I would go anywhere right now to start a new life… meet people and not feel so alone… gosh… I can't even trust my own family to understand me… I hate everything… I want to be able to express myself… let off steam… without anyone nor do I minimize my problems... without feeling judged and really let off steam, feel free when I do it... relieve myself when I do it... not just talk... To later make an excuse to cover that vent and for everything to return to normal... supposed normality, because nothing changed.

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Pinkstarburst · 51-55, F

It sounds like your in a dark place and I’m really sorry. I know these thoughts all too well. It’s healthy that you have written these thoughts. You have chosen to release the lies your mind is telling you. That’s a good first step. Keep writing them! Keep being pissed off by them! Keep recognizing that they are not allowed space in your being!

I would also recommend looking into a bit of therapy. Not because you’re broken, but because it’s helpful to have a neutral person to vent to and offer tools for working through your pain.

This time of year is incredibly crappy for many of us who struggle. Food is also a struggle for me as a comforting friend. What helps a little this time of year, for me, is to be outside as much as I can. Light helps. It’s a struggle to make myself do it a lot of days. Reading and writing also help. It’s a good way to escape my thoughts. Look up stream of consciousness writing. You literally just write words and sentences that are racing in your mind.

I’ve rambled and apologize. I just thought it was important for you to know that you are absolutely not alone in your place. In fact, there are more of us than there are of them.

YOU are a fellow warrior! And I, for one, have faith in you!

zoevent · 13-15, F

@Pinkstarburst thanks you, really thanks you

Pinkstarburst · 51-55, F

@zoevent You’ve got this!!!

Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

You may just have a touch of depression that could be fixed with a little medication.
I only say that because when I was going through similar feelings I just kept trying harder to change things and nothing worked. That was because I had a chemical imbalance and I wasn't going to be able to change that by trying harder.
You can talk to your doctor about it. It's not like you have to go to a shrink.
They have starter packets for depression medication right at the office.

Lostpoet · M

Things will change for you.

iamelijah · 26-30, M

You can vent anything in here. Nothing much we can help here but you can vent your feelings.

Wishing everything goes well for you in the future. 💕

zoevent · 13-15, F

@iamelijah the fact is i don't know how to vent

iamelijah · 26-30, M

@zoevent you can post it in here just right now.

You are venting now it just not with voice but through writing.

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