my vent about everything

i have just been feeling so empty lately more then before i just want to leave this world i feel like nobody cares about me if i kms nobody will fu**ing care yk what they will be glad im gone nobody will care for me the way i care for others when i was like 10-12 i would uhm hurt myself its not like anyone cares and i still do i feel ilke i get made fun of everywhere i go or do everyone just wants me to leave this world and im ugly as hell like very im plus size and i just wish i was skinny i would do anything for it i have tried many diets and they dont work i wish i could just stop eating but i cant because of my family its so hard hiding the truth from the people i care about i wish i could just say " im not okay i need serious help " but i dont want them to get worried or they will call me dramatic im so done with myself i also need extra help with school work so im not just ugly im stupid as well my crush prob thinks im ugly and stupid i feel so alone i get sad every time i see my friends they are all skinny and pretty its not fair WHY NOT ME... Im just not okay.