Visious Cycles

You have been depressed for months, Giving the most minimal effort to living, bare minimum. You start coming around, you start feeling better, You feel determined, happy, productive, forward momentum. You start taking better care of yourself, eating better, planning meals, moisturizing before bed, going for a walk, taking better care of your nails, wearing makeup, looking cute. You start taking better care of your home....cleaning out the fridge, organizing cabinets, deep cleaning, It looks drab, you need a new vibe, I think I'll redecorate. My hobbies have been going lacking. You start to feel inspired, creative, You pull out your paints, your yarn, you decide on a project. You are happy. Thoughts start to creep in, how much farther along on my journey would I be if I didn't have the bouts of depression? How much more skilled would I be in my crafts if I stuck to them instead of floating off into "giving no fucks" land? How much more organized my house would be? How much healthier I would be if I would stick to improving my health, instead having to start fresh every time? I have wasted so much of my time being depressed. Missed out on so much by being depressed. Keep setting myself back because I am depressed. I am overwhelmed with the amount of things I have to do to keep this happiness. To stay at this level. It is so depressing to think about how depressed I have been.