New Chapter Hopefully
So I am determined to "fix me". I feel "broken" and I am determined but that determination only lasts so long. I am embarking on working on myself. I started 2 things kinda. I've always journaled but I heard about the Jordan Peterson Self-Authoring program. This isn't about what you think his politics are (I personally think he's misunderstood and is set out to be a villain when he really isn't- but that's neither here nor there).
I decided to try it. Heard some good things about it. I'm also re-reading and re-doing the Andy Hunt, Get Out Of Your Own Way program from practicalwellbeing.co.uk You can do the exercises without the EFT. His process is pretty interesting. I am not suggesting people do these. I'm just explaining what I'm doing.
So I started watching some of Peterson's lectures around the self-authoring program and I came across this Goalcast video. Highly edited of course but he said a few things that caught my attention.
One was, he talks about "being awake" and how that helps when you're going thru a tough moment/time in life and that struck me because I have NOT been awake... not for a long time.
I came into my 40's excited! I just knew that sh*t was gonna be better. My 30's was a hot mess and 40 felt like a new beginning but it didn't pan out that way. I have been zombie walking thru my 40's- asleep, hiding, avoiding, scared, angry, sad, depressed, unmotivated and moving backwards more and more everyday. Any semblance of progress I've made has been undone and I hate myself for it. I knew better but I just felt stuck.
Tough times came and instead of waking up and fighting, I went to sleep. I hoped that it would just pass and I would wake up one day and things would be better, easier and I could just pick up and start again. But when tough times come, you can't just fall asleep and hope the storm passes. I didn't weather the storm well. I am worse off.
My health is worse. My weight and fitness level is worse. My happiness is worse. My self-esteem is worse. I've isolated myself from my friends. I have no meaningful career. I have even isolated myself from my son whom I love dearly! I love him more than life itself. He's the best thing I've ever done. I am most proud of being his mother. Mothering him helped me be a better person but I feel ashamed of how I look and who I am now that I've isolated myself from him so that I don't embarrass him by visiting him at his job or around his friends (he's never made me feel that way- it's all in my d*mn head!).
It's time for me to wake the he11 up, grab my life back, grab my mental health back, grab my body back, grab my goals back. I have to watch myself though. I can try too much too fast and experience a setback that will put me right back to sleep.
A couple of things come to mind is that I want to fix my life NOW! Immediately! All at once! haha But I need to be realistic, understanding my brain and nervous system, my habits, my beliefs and my fears- what's true and what's not.
I have to remember:
1. Consistency vs intensity: Simon Sinek https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njeAb4CLQeI
2. Do the right things and the right things will happen : Jordan Peterson (when I find the link, I'll post it)
So for me, I have to take my recovery (yes, I'm using the word recovery) slow.
My goal is consistency not perfection and no judgement either... and that if I am doing the right things (exercising, meditating, journaling, slowing eating healthier, adding some structure to my day (cuz I hate routine), loving on myself, forgiving myself, working on my goals, being kind to myself, believing in myself, learning to trust myself, etc...) all those "RIGHT" things no matter how slow I go, whether I "see" results or not- and as I keep doing those "right" things consistently, I have to trust that the "right things" will begin to happen.
I believe that I will build myself up as a stronger, more loving, more successful version of myself- a myself that I can be proud of, by building up those micro-routines that strengthens me because I was able to stick with it... this time. I was able to stick with the right things and it paid off.
Now comes the hard work. I gotta do it.
I gotta be okay with taking it slow. I gotta be okay with not seeing any immediate results (instant gratification that we've been trained to expect is a b*tch). I gotta manage my nervous system and brain chemistry because I will "feel" uncomfortable, anxious, worried, scared and I can not give in to those uncomfortable sensations as they LIE! I gotta love on myself and teach myself how to love myself. I gotta address those beliefs that tell me I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I can't do it, etc... I gotta be kind to myself when I stumble. And I gotta get back up and keep going.
If I truly believe that by doing the "right" things, the "right things" will happen and all I need is consistency not perfection and I'm not forcing myself to some artificial timetable [i](lose 100lbs in 3 months, make 6 figures in 6 months, find love my next year- the shit I have no control over)[/i]- I can and will change my life - and maybe even beat my depression.
Just by controlling the stuff I have control over- my behavior... No matter how long it takes, I will be better than I am now because right now I am drowning. Right now, I am falling backwards at incredible speed. Right now, it will only get worse because there is no standing still in life. You are either moving forward or backward. No matter how slow I go, I am choosing forward.
What's also great is the snowball effect! Oprah asked the question... What is it that you know for sure? 1. Consistency 2. doing the the right things = getting the right things 3. The snowball effect.
Metaphorically, the snowball effect is a process that starts from an initial state of small significance and builds upon itself, becoming larger- so if you're doing beneficial things, they will build upon itself. I believe that. Remember, it doesn't say linear. You may stumble and or have setbacks, but you get stronger and more capable to handle it... and success (or failure) builds upon itself like a snowball rolling down hill. I believe that.
So I am going to take these 3 beliefs and run with it.
Hope this helps you guys!
Stay strong. I'm rooting for you.
I decided to try it. Heard some good things about it. I'm also re-reading and re-doing the Andy Hunt, Get Out Of Your Own Way program from practicalwellbeing.co.uk You can do the exercises without the EFT. His process is pretty interesting. I am not suggesting people do these. I'm just explaining what I'm doing.
So I started watching some of Peterson's lectures around the self-authoring program and I came across this Goalcast video. Highly edited of course but he said a few things that caught my attention.
One was, he talks about "being awake" and how that helps when you're going thru a tough moment/time in life and that struck me because I have NOT been awake... not for a long time.
I came into my 40's excited! I just knew that sh*t was gonna be better. My 30's was a hot mess and 40 felt like a new beginning but it didn't pan out that way. I have been zombie walking thru my 40's- asleep, hiding, avoiding, scared, angry, sad, depressed, unmotivated and moving backwards more and more everyday. Any semblance of progress I've made has been undone and I hate myself for it. I knew better but I just felt stuck.
Tough times came and instead of waking up and fighting, I went to sleep. I hoped that it would just pass and I would wake up one day and things would be better, easier and I could just pick up and start again. But when tough times come, you can't just fall asleep and hope the storm passes. I didn't weather the storm well. I am worse off.
My health is worse. My weight and fitness level is worse. My happiness is worse. My self-esteem is worse. I've isolated myself from my friends. I have no meaningful career. I have even isolated myself from my son whom I love dearly! I love him more than life itself. He's the best thing I've ever done. I am most proud of being his mother. Mothering him helped me be a better person but I feel ashamed of how I look and who I am now that I've isolated myself from him so that I don't embarrass him by visiting him at his job or around his friends (he's never made me feel that way- it's all in my d*mn head!).
It's time for me to wake the he11 up, grab my life back, grab my mental health back, grab my body back, grab my goals back. I have to watch myself though. I can try too much too fast and experience a setback that will put me right back to sleep.
A couple of things come to mind is that I want to fix my life NOW! Immediately! All at once! haha But I need to be realistic, understanding my brain and nervous system, my habits, my beliefs and my fears- what's true and what's not.
I have to remember:
1. Consistency vs intensity: Simon Sinek https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njeAb4CLQeI
2. Do the right things and the right things will happen : Jordan Peterson (when I find the link, I'll post it)
So for me, I have to take my recovery (yes, I'm using the word recovery) slow.
My goal is consistency not perfection and no judgement either... and that if I am doing the right things (exercising, meditating, journaling, slowing eating healthier, adding some structure to my day (cuz I hate routine), loving on myself, forgiving myself, working on my goals, being kind to myself, believing in myself, learning to trust myself, etc...) all those "RIGHT" things no matter how slow I go, whether I "see" results or not- and as I keep doing those "right" things consistently, I have to trust that the "right things" will begin to happen.
I believe that I will build myself up as a stronger, more loving, more successful version of myself- a myself that I can be proud of, by building up those micro-routines that strengthens me because I was able to stick with it... this time. I was able to stick with the right things and it paid off.
Now comes the hard work. I gotta do it.
I gotta be okay with taking it slow. I gotta be okay with not seeing any immediate results (instant gratification that we've been trained to expect is a b*tch). I gotta manage my nervous system and brain chemistry because I will "feel" uncomfortable, anxious, worried, scared and I can not give in to those uncomfortable sensations as they LIE! I gotta love on myself and teach myself how to love myself. I gotta address those beliefs that tell me I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I can't do it, etc... I gotta be kind to myself when I stumble. And I gotta get back up and keep going.
If I truly believe that by doing the "right" things, the "right things" will happen and all I need is consistency not perfection and I'm not forcing myself to some artificial timetable [i](lose 100lbs in 3 months, make 6 figures in 6 months, find love my next year- the shit I have no control over)[/i]- I can and will change my life - and maybe even beat my depression.
Just by controlling the stuff I have control over- my behavior... No matter how long it takes, I will be better than I am now because right now I am drowning. Right now, I am falling backwards at incredible speed. Right now, it will only get worse because there is no standing still in life. You are either moving forward or backward. No matter how slow I go, I am choosing forward.
What's also great is the snowball effect! Oprah asked the question... What is it that you know for sure? 1. Consistency 2. doing the the right things = getting the right things 3. The snowball effect.
Metaphorically, the snowball effect is a process that starts from an initial state of small significance and builds upon itself, becoming larger- so if you're doing beneficial things, they will build upon itself. I believe that. Remember, it doesn't say linear. You may stumble and or have setbacks, but you get stronger and more capable to handle it... and success (or failure) builds upon itself like a snowball rolling down hill. I believe that.
So I am going to take these 3 beliefs and run with it.
Hope this helps you guys!
Stay strong. I'm rooting for you.
