Anxious
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My dreams are dying, and I feel like I'm drowning.

I left my job back in october because of anxiety and depression, and I saved up $12,000. As of this post I am going to go below $10,000, and I was hoping the pandemic would end soon so I can find a job elsewhere and move out of rural Pennsylvania. I'm so scared for my future, and feel worthless because I'm back to jobs not replying to me, and no one hiring me. I'm scared my future I built up hopes for is slipping through my hands and I don't know what to do. It feels like my potential to do great things is slowly dying, and I don't know what to do about it.
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Stay with me here. This isn't intended in a preachy way, but as an example of ruined expectations.

A Bible story: Jacob went to visit relatives, saw Rachel, his cousin, and fell in love with ger. Her father Laban agreed they could marry but only after Jacob worked for Laban for seven (!) years.

At the end of the seven years, the wedding happened but when Jacob lifted his new wife's veil, he learned he had married Rachel's older sister Leah. He confronted Laban and the old shyster said he could have Rachel too - but he'd have to work another seven years. Jacob AGREED.

14 years of delayed gratification is extreme, but it's true that life is what happens while we're making other plans.

It likely has nothing to with your hire-ability. Employers are hiring shy until they see how the Corona/economy thing is going to go.

Successful people are not just hard-working and smart. They have learned to roll with the punches.

🤗🤗
Razoreye001 · 31-35, M
@Mamapolo2016 Of all the people who've quoted the bible at me, this is definitely one of the most supportive. Thank you!
@Razoreye001 Keep your chin up. It's easier to see where you're going.
Razoreye001 · 31-35, M
@Mamapolo2016 Yeah, it's just hard when you feel like you're on a sinking ship, and you see your future going down with it.
@Razoreye001 If you look at it that way,yes.

Believe me, I know. A lot more people know that feeling than you think.

Did you ever read Rudyard Kipling's piem "If" ?

Read it aloud and listen

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!