Sometimes i question myself

Sometimes when I'm upset I question everything and everyone despite that they say that they are there for me it doesn't feel like it. I've had my so called friends make plans to hangout with me and either forget about me or cancel at the last minute on me. I've felt lonely despite that I'm surrounded by people. I sometimes get extremely anxious when I'm out at the stores. Lately my depression has been getting bad, I don't hurt myself but I've been thinking about it. I feel like I should not be left alone when I'm upset because I feel like I'm going to do something stupid. I've thought about taking a walk and just going to the middle of the street or walking to the highway which is not far from my house and jumping. I feel like I should go to a therapist but I can't go to one. Sometimes I drift off into space while doing something or get upset out of nowhere and start crying. I sometimes don't know what to do anymore.