I Hate Days Like These

Days like today make me wonder how much longer I will suffer. I'm not lonely in the least bit--I really enjoy my time alone and don't wish to let people in right now. But what I feel most of the time I feel like most don't/won't understand or don't care and will ridicule me behind my back. I'm detached from everything and nothing feels real. Like I live through someone's eyes only and don't actually feel or even allow myself to feel because something tells me I'll be let down. Or the next bad thing is gonna happen so there's no sense in being happy.

I'd like to get off this roller coaster.