My heart is hurting but I don't feel anything. [I Am Depressed]

I found a selfie of me and my ex this morning, I thought I threw them all away. It was back in 2015, coming towards Christmas and we had been going out for 7 months to that point so I told her I loved her and she punched me, I was in complete shock I'm not gonna lie. And all I could do was grovel that I was sorry. I know now that I probably had nothing to be sorry about.

I bumped into her mother a couple of weeks later and she told that she chucked her out because she just used me for my money like her previous boyfriends.

But I still felt it was my fault in someway. I thought I could never love again especially when she sicced her new boytoy on me in 2016. But I met this support group through Facebook and after building a lovable slate of friendships for 4 years, it all came to an end during lockdown I thought I could open up to them that I have low level Aspergers and they said they didn't want a broken person in their lives and they started spreading rumours about me, and discussing my problem in a private messenger chat so I had to leave and run away from all social media and I've been alone ever since.

Sorry to be such a downer, I know I should let it go but after seeing that selfie during this lockdown stuff, it's just come flooding back... And it's just I got no one else I can talk too about it.

Especially since I can't get a doctor's appointment and I don't really have the money to pay for therapy. But to be honest I felt okay until this morning when I found that selfie.