A miserable Morning [I M Depressed]

I lost my dad about 4 months ago in June, now my mom is talking odd because she is pain. She had heard the word death a lot and it is making her depressed. She was told that having back surgery is the best option but if she has it, she'll die. Because of the cutting from the surgery and the anestgial medicine they have to use. Last week my mom went to see her primary doctor for the second time. When my mom mentioned to him about the back surgery, he told my mom that he would not suggest such a thing to her because of her age, she has a small frame body. He said to mom that he would not say to her the things to her that other doctors had said to her like she is going to die and so on then tell her that it is important for her have surgery.

I think I am a little depressed because of the way the doctors had made mom depressed. She saids things that is not logical at times (like this morning and the paramedics were here). Her behavior is so out of control. She gets up in the morning wanting to leave and now she is talking about moving somewhere else. I remember before we moved to this state we are currently living in, my mom really did not want to move here because of reasons but we had a friend who moved here in 1999 and we moved here in 2000. Another reason why I am depressed is because Thanksgiving is this week but it does not seem like Thanksgiving. I am nervous about Christmas because of the fear and anger it may bring. I understand outside situations in the world but it is bothering me more when it come to being here at home.

Damn it feels like I am going to lose my mom if she do not get a grip. My mom is the only parent I have left and now she wants to go.
I do not know if it is grieving or anger mom is experiencing.

Sorry for bothering anyone about my mess. It just hurt so bad at 4:00 am to have to go through a lot. Then asked to go to bed. How could I go to bed when knowing that the police might come to our home because of my mom's emotions and she was the one who called 911.

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Zonuss · 41-45, M

Stay strong. 🤗

taLking5 · 51-55, F

@Zonuss Thank you Zonuss

PoetryNEmotion · F

I am sorry for all the stress you and your mom are enduring. She sounds like she is stressed to the maximum. And if she is calling 911 for no reason, it is severe. She may need to talk to a psychiatrist at your local hospital emergency room. Sometimes stresses of life can overwhelm people to the point where they cannot think logically or normally anymore. So she needs help.

Regarding the surgery or potential surgery. She needs to find another doctor. See what he says. She may be a poor candidate for surgery. I don't know exactly what the problem is. Her diagnosis is what? There needs to be something she can take for pain control too. And while she is being tended to, perhaps an antidepressant might be in order. It can be temporary.

This Thanksgiving is going to be different for many people. One cannot have loved ones or friends close when there are so many rules and regulations. In these severe times, we must make adjustments to our habits and to our customs and to our lifestyles. We adapt because we must. We do not have to like it. It is necessary to save lives.

Why did she not want to move? I am thinking it must be related to her age. The older the person, the more accustomed to their lives people become. So that is another stressor. It takes a long time to adjust to a new home in a new place. When everything changes, it causes stress.

I hope you can get some help too. You sound like a decent and caring and stressed person. Consider a support group. Call a crisis line. Talk to your family doctor. There are social workers you can be referred to. You are not sleeping and likely not taking care of yourself. Please get help. Taking care of you means you can also take care of your mom too. Good luck.

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taLking5 · 51-55, F

@PoetryNEmotion I think I am caring for myself the best I can. I take vitamins, eat, think about fun things to do such as decorate (I am asleep when things go on). I worry about her a lot because is not taking care of herself. She is depressed about too many things. Her other kids living too far from her and not communicating with her like they should, medical professional being buttholes, when she calls the paramedics she is unhappy and begin to tell them about how she was treated at the hospital. I personally think that it is the fact the holidays coming:Thanksgiving and Christmas. My mother was only 79 years old when her primary doctor told her that she would not survive to see Christmas or her 80th birthday ( was sitting next to mother in the doctors office when the doctor said that to her.) Honestly I try to enjoy each year and holiday but my mother can not. If she is not thinking about that horrible time when her doctor told her that, she is thinking about bad things that happen to her when being a child. I also worry about my mother because she lose a lot of sleep, she won't eat but when she is calm, she'll clean her plate. I watch her behavior when we are not home, she is very talkative but then her anxiety will get the best of her. She has an appointment with a counselor tomorrow at 10:00 am. I really hope that helps!

I really enjoy having someone else to talk to and understands me. Again thank you for being someone who showed compassion and care.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@taLking5 It is certainly a start. Blessings to you for caring for her. Do not forget yourself! I care. You are feeling sad and stressed. People need to reach out and to support one another. I think others here are too. Let me know how the session tomorrow turns out. And consider talking to one too. It can only help. And I apologize for not sending you my condolences on the loss of your father.

taLking5 · 51-55, F

@PoetryNEmotion Thats okay.

Moon3624 · 18-21, F

I have lost my parents and oldest sister when I was a very little kid all at once
So I understand what it feels to lose a parent.
It’s a pain that never goes away or disappears..
I’m sorry for your loss and I wish there are enough words out there that could make you feel better I really do.
Knowing we will die one day is what makes life precious. I bet Your father was a great man and he wants you to live happy
It’s not about forgetting or leaving all of this behind
Because that could never happen.
It’s about turning their memories to strength and a smile rather than your cause for depression.
+
You still have your mom instead of worrying live every minute with her.
Worry is drowning in an empty pool.
And I hope you both live a long and happy life💞
I suggest you give your mother more time
It only been a few months
And for you two to talk about your feelings more and let it out.

taLking5 · 51-55, F

@Moon3624 I am trying with all my might to think about fun things about the holidays. When you said that I should give my mother more time, I do give her time. What I am doing is for the both of us, I do not bring up certain things that will upset my mom, she is the one who'll bring it up but I do not reply. We do talk about our feelings; it people, and stuff and while other people such as doctors effect others when they (the doctors) give information to their patients. Next thing you know the patient is so upset that nothing is excites them. I try to decorate the home but it does not seem to phase her.

I brought up the point about my dad's death because I think about the fact I just lost one parent and trying with all I have to take good care of this one I have left. I do understand why my mother is terribly upset and it is not making me feel any better either. When she goes to the hospital by cab, I will ride along but I am not allowed to go into the ER room with mom, they will have me to sit outside in the waiting room. I d not know what is being discussed in the room.

plankter979 · 51-55, M

so sorry for what you're going through. Sending hugs.

taLking5 · 51-55, F

@plankter979 Thank you so much for a hug, I really need it.

basilfawlty89 · 31-35, M

That sounds like a horrible situation. I'm sorry about your dad's loss.

Is surgery really the only option for your mum? Can't they manage it with medication?

taLking5 · 51-55, F

@basilfawlty89 :) I talk to my mom about the fact her PRIMARY doctor think that back surgery is not an option for her. He said that he would not had brought up the topic about. I was the one who told my mother that talking about not talking about certain things and fact that emotions is blamed for taking her energy. When she is upset her back hurts as well as her.

Thank you for being kind to respond back to me.

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