I know that.. the bitterness would flood in.. [I Am Sick of Feeling Depressed]

I know what I need (to an extent)

Some things are specific.. but they’d work.. others are in a grey area..

Bottom line is I need some joy..

I need a lot of fun.. so I can get out of this negative set up..

I want to play this game.. I do t have it.. or anything related to being able to play it..

I want my cat.. he’s been dead for years..

I want to spend time talking to my grandmother all night like we used to.. she died this year..

I want to take a vacation and travel a bit.. I don’t have the funds in order to do so.

I want to hang out with my friend like I used to.. but he’s moved far away..

So many things.. but so out of reach..

How am I supposed to fight off depression and suicidal tendencies when literally everything I desire is known to me but seems so unattainable??

I’m tired.. low sleep again and it’s my fault.. I never reach out until I let the negatives and bitter blood take over..

What is this cure to this problem.. this lack of fulfillment.. satisfaction and overbearing craving with desires since none of my wants or needs feel like they’re being met??

What can one do to push past this and find comfort in life.. and manage progress when on such a spiral?

I want an out..

And a day in the sun the way it used to feel..