I Am Secretly Depressed

And that’s my biggest problem, I have to hide my pain. If I don’t everyone gets mad. It becomes the “why can’t you be better?” rant. When I absolutely can’t take it anymore and I cry I fail everyone because I should have been more open. I fix people, I’m there for them, I’m a listener. I love being able to be there for someone. But eventually something goes awry and I end up in a position where I can’t say anything or else.

Or else

Maybe I’m just an idiot. Maybe I never helped anybody. Maybe that’s why I feel so guilty. Next year I will go back to therapy once I get insurance. For now I just have to survive. Just survive. Because in the end all I have is myself..