I Am Depressed More Than People Realize

if I eat a big meal it makes me sad after awhile. maybe it's because it makes me tired idk. I try not let it show that I'm depressed. sometimes I just want to be put out of my misery. I'm not suicidal but if someone walked up and just shot me i wouldn't even care. I would be sad for my family and friends but not for myself. my life doesn't feel that important. I just want the pain and sadness to end. but it just won't.