I Fight Depression and Loneliness Everyday

Right now I am feeling completely and utterly alone. It’s mother’s day and I am a mother of two beautiful children, yet when I woke up today I felt suffocated by depression. I pushed on, I told myself if I could just get out of bed and get myself showered and dressed that I would feel better. But today that wasn’t the case. My mother passed away 14 months ago, I know a lot of women say there mother’s are their best friends...I couldn’t say that I was friends with my mom until the last couple of years of her life. I carry so much guilt over the years I spent being at odds with her. She had so much wisdom and knowledge to offer. My heart was aching today. I wanted to pick up the phone and ask her where she wanted to go to lunch. I passed by the floral section in the grocery and I almost bought a dozen of her favorite flowers (yellow roses). I know I have so much to be thankful for and I am thankful to have a loving husband and my sweet babies but it still doesn’t keep me from having panic attacks and anxiety that is debilitating and depression that is crushing. It is so hard because I used to talk to my mom about all of this, now that she isn’t here I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. It is a lonely place to be.