I Fight Depression and Loneliness Everyday
I am currently on Spring Break while in college. I initially wanted to spend the break by myself and not bother any of them. I usually enjoy being by myself as it allows me to just forget about life, be at peace.
However, i have been feeling extremely sad and lonely. I've started missing my friends who have all traveled for break. I have basically spent the last few days sleeping next to my phone, longing for someone to call or text me. But it never happens. But i don't expect it to.
The loneliness i feel is a continuation of the loneliness i've felt most of my life. Like i don't belong in many groups. Like i stand and watch my friends grow, achieve new successes, and find that spark of happiness i long for. I watch my past partners move on from me and find their own happiness. It makes me think of why I can't do the same. And i'm reminded of how temporary relationships are.
Even if you find love, it isn't guaranteed to last. Even if i make friends in college, after graduation, there is no guarantee that those bonds will last much longer. And i know that people say you should try to be happy on your own, but i am a social individual. Despite being an extreme introvert, i long for human affection and connection.
And lately, i've come to realize just how deep my fear of loneliness is. That i am not guaranteed human connection. That i may live my entire life never truly having it. I will have periods of my life where it may seem that i have it, but those moments are temporary. Friends come and go, romantic partners come and go, and yet the loneliness experienced without them remains.
So how do i manage to live knowing this? How do i deal with the realization of a never ending cycle of loneliness?
However, i have been feeling extremely sad and lonely. I've started missing my friends who have all traveled for break. I have basically spent the last few days sleeping next to my phone, longing for someone to call or text me. But it never happens. But i don't expect it to.
The loneliness i feel is a continuation of the loneliness i've felt most of my life. Like i don't belong in many groups. Like i stand and watch my friends grow, achieve new successes, and find that spark of happiness i long for. I watch my past partners move on from me and find their own happiness. It makes me think of why I can't do the same. And i'm reminded of how temporary relationships are.
Even if you find love, it isn't guaranteed to last. Even if i make friends in college, after graduation, there is no guarantee that those bonds will last much longer. And i know that people say you should try to be happy on your own, but i am a social individual. Despite being an extreme introvert, i long for human affection and connection.
And lately, i've come to realize just how deep my fear of loneliness is. That i am not guaranteed human connection. That i may live my entire life never truly having it. I will have periods of my life where it may seem that i have it, but those moments are temporary. Friends come and go, romantic partners come and go, and yet the loneliness experienced without them remains.
So how do i manage to live knowing this? How do i deal with the realization of a never ending cycle of loneliness?
