I Battle Depression

I battle with major depression disorder, some-days its hard to even want to get up. its hard to sleep at night, i find myself mindlessly watching tv allot, or just surfing pictures. I cant tell you the amount of times my depression ebbs and i think i am in a good place but something will happen ( as life always does) and like an old friend it's back. there is nothing worse than trying to fake happiness and being well, thinking that no one really cares how you fell they just want to hear what you say. some days i wonder why i am like this, why i suffer as i do in silence. i am in therapy, but its seems that nothing will make it better. Its a self feeding cycle that is hard for others to understand. In my twenties drugs and alcohol were used liberally to make me numb and to fill the black hole that i had in my soul, as such i ended up battling addiction and depression at the same time. recently i have wondered if becoming sober was the right decision, logically i know my life is better and i have become a better person with out substances but it still makes me wonder. sorry i am ranting, yeah that's about the long and short of it.