Have you tried going to your local coffeeshop or maybe try meetups that offer things you're interested in? I truly believe someone is out there for you when you least expect it. Well wishes to you on finding your soulmate.

So what prompted last nights tailspin into misery (not that I need a special reason), my oldest brother got married again for the 2nd time last night. My YOUNGER cousin got married last month, and some old friends over the past couple of years just keep getting hitched. Obviously there's nothing quite like a wedding to remind you how alone you are, so obviously I didn't want to go. But of course I have to go or I'm the ass who didn't go to his own brother's wedding because he's bitter about how his life turned out. So I begrudgingly put on my mask (the smile that is just getting harder to to wear day to day), went to the wedding, posed for pictures, talked to people about nothing, then walked home alone.....in the rain......here come the dark thoughts......

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. If you ever want to talk, I'm a good listener.

Hope you keep talking here... many of us are listening to you.

I wish you peace, my friend. We're listening.

Although I rarely feel like that anymore, I do know how you feel. I have been in that place. You may have friends out there whom you haven't met yet. Look for ways to be good to yourself; no one deserves to feel as you do now. Your faults are probably no worse than anyone. Are you a mass murderer? Do you attack or molest children? Did you deliberately burn down a clinic for The poor? The chances are you are just another flawed human being trying to survive as best you can.
Message me if you need more contact with someone or support.