I Fight Depression and Loneliness Everyday
Humans aren't meant to be alone. So why after 30 years of being alive do I feel more alone than I have ever felt?
It's because in these 30 years I've never even been in a relationship. Yeah its pathetic I know, boo hoo I cant get a girlfriend. But being alone that long does something to you, it breaks you down little by little, day by day, makes you feel you aren't good enough or you don't deserve to be happy, that instead you deserve the torment you put your mind through every day. I spend every undistracted moment of every day hating myself for being so pathetic. I say undistracted because if I don't "distract" my mind it goes to a very dark place, like wondering what a hollow point taste's like dark. I know that sounds extreme, but like I said it does something to you. I've never told anybody about this, but I guess I'm finally utilizing the anonymity of the Internet to at least find some kind of outlet because I don't talk about this at all. I keep everything inside. There are more things I could go on about but it's late and I don't want to bore you all with my self loathing.
If you decide to comment, I probably won't see it until tomorrow, I have to go cry myself to sleep now, so good night and I hope your life isn't as shitty as mine.
It's because in these 30 years I've never even been in a relationship. Yeah its pathetic I know, boo hoo I cant get a girlfriend. But being alone that long does something to you, it breaks you down little by little, day by day, makes you feel you aren't good enough or you don't deserve to be happy, that instead you deserve the torment you put your mind through every day. I spend every undistracted moment of every day hating myself for being so pathetic. I say undistracted because if I don't "distract" my mind it goes to a very dark place, like wondering what a hollow point taste's like dark. I know that sounds extreme, but like I said it does something to you. I've never told anybody about this, but I guess I'm finally utilizing the anonymity of the Internet to at least find some kind of outlet because I don't talk about this at all. I keep everything inside. There are more things I could go on about but it's late and I don't want to bore you all with my self loathing.
If you decide to comment, I probably won't see it until tomorrow, I have to go cry myself to sleep now, so good night and I hope your life isn't as shitty as mine.
