I Battle Depression

@Adaydreambeliever Thanks. It's just my life is pure hell. Something always goes south. I'm not depressed just because I have depression. I know some people's lifes are great yet feel like this but my life has just caused me to not want to exist anymore. My reality makes me want to wish that reality itself didn't exist. All the suffering people have to endure. I honestly feel like giving up. I'm just so damn tired of everything and things always blowing up in my face. I have the worst luck a guy can have. Fuck this shit. smh

@justicexoxoxo sounds horrible for you :( You are right things are often just horrible in our lives... I am wondering though.... things change, bad times come and bad times go.. perhaps this is something that will pass

@Adaydreambeliever Yea I've said what you've said for the past 5 years, wasting my youth away, deteriorating. Every effort always results in frustration, anger, failure and more realization that life is mocking me like "haha try harder next time, gotcha bitch." Smh To lack of friends, life, job, relationship, everything you need to breed a healthy mind as a young person I lack it. Fuck lacking, I don't have it at all. It's no wonder I'm a formula one jazz nut job.

@justicexoxoxo True you don't have it now.. but there's no reason you cannot have it.. you are so young and have so much time ahead of you where you can change things around.. It will take work for sure.. but right now there's no reason to believe that in say 10 or even 20 times you wont look back on this horrible period and be glad you stuck around

@Adaydreambeliever I know I'm still young, but I feel I'm wasting all my prime young years away. People always tell me work on your own pace and one old friend told me that society pressures young people like myself to achieve certain things by a certain age? But what if I want that not because of outside influence from society? What if I want to not be 30 and single or without a job living with my parents? What if I want to not be clinically insane, riddled with severe anxiety and depression directly and indirectly preventing me from creating new friendships & relationships? What if it's not society? What if It's just what I want. Sure, everyone does get things on their own time but I had every potential to do it right and enjoying my life by this age. I'm at a age where I should be exploring, enjoying my life not still in this "stuck, confused, phase" where it's highly probable I may still be in this same rut in a few years, bitching like I am now about wasting more years. My problems have just been perpetual and I convinced myself I was not getting better but I was just the same, but really I have been getting worse, way worse. I seriously think I belong in a mental institution. I feel like society and I don't get along. I feel like for some odd reason I'm like allergic to life. Life resists whenever I try to make my life better. My parents even admit they see I try my hardest to get out of my situation and still something goes left , ALWAYS in some way or another. Time is precious and although I'm still "young," I'm not 18 young where I should just let time pass me by and not put a little bit of pressure on myself. The relax time has been far over for a long time. I think it's all hitting me now , how much time I've actually thrown into the dumpster. Sorry for the long response.

@justicexoxoxo what if you want something different.. yes of course that makes sense.. and I agree it's not society's pressure - it's the pressure you put on yourself... but that's the point..you shouldn't... and you do have time, to change things to improve things, even if just a tiny bit at a time.. If you care to... try to think about how much time you have still... people live to 75 plus on average.. so imagine how very different things might be when you are 35 which is still young.. or 45... or even 55.. It's possible people of 54 are very happy with their lives?

@Adaydreambeliever There is no specific rule or timeline when a person should do what but at the same time, people set standards for themselves, I have for a long time and I've never met one standard that greatly impacted or changed my life. The difference between that 35, or 45 year old person is they probably didn't waste their years so whether they view me as a very young person, it doesn't change the fact I have wasted my years failing and time is something you can't get back. You say people live till 75, also you have to understand how precious but unpredictable life is. There is no promise I will live till 35, or even next month. That is partially why this whole "wasting my youth or time" away is so important to me. I can go at any moment and if I were to die right now and I had the privilege to have my last thoughts, it would be full of regrets, it would be anger towards myself that I didn't do better that I could've tried harder. So yes I'm 24, and as my parents say the same thing you do, I have time, or as they say "take your time." I don't think people understand how precious time is, once you let a time pass you, you can never get it back, young or old. I miss my 20 year old self when I felt like I had years ahead of me to figure things out and now that i'm still here, not better off then I was then, it makes me frustrated. It makes me feel like more time will be wasted because I've tried everything in the book but nothing works. Btw age has nothing to do with depression or feeling as if nothing is going right. I could be 18 and I could feel this. Being young and having time is a privilege and not a right, that could be easily stripped from you. I don't know the future but there's always this pattern of how it goes. I try, something works out but something goes left at the same time. I go back to the drawing board and make adjustments, something goes right but then wrong again. This has been my life since I got out of highschool. I used to think I was cursed or had bad spirits following my life, who knows at this point I wouldn't be surprised.