I Battle Depression and Loneliness
This is just another emotional rant...
Sometimes I realize that I'm not the only one out there fighting all of these awkward, seemingly pointless mental battles. It kinda brings me solace.
But you know how you talk to someone new. And in the beginning, everything always feels like its going well. Then the conversations seem to fall flat. I run out of words and they have no more words to offer.
I wanna ask "are you tired of me yet?", "am I starting to get on your nerves?"
You say "No, never" but the fact of the matter is we talked every day for hours and now you only message me once a day. And I get it. Ok, no I don't. I don't get. It happens every time. People say "you can't bore" me. But it happens. "You can't get on my nerves". But I do. "We won't stop talking" but one day they just stop responding.
People say don't worry about people that you meet online. They come and go. I get that. I do. But you know how you get this heavy pressure in your chest when you're about to break an item. It's like you see it falling off the counter but you can't move fast enough to stop it. But on rare occasion. This isn't a rare occasion though. It's the same thing.
Sometimes it seems like when you're sad everyone is happy. You wanna talk to someone but I feel like if I call they will hear my voice tinged with this disease that they don't wanna catch. Take my negative energy somewhere else. But no one really wants it you know.
Its weird cause when you're young you have no little worries but everyone wants to offer you advice and call you and ask how stuff is but the older you get the more you seem to need but those around you are already done consoling a you that then, didn't need any consultation.
Sometimes I feel so much stuff and then all the anxiety makes me numb as if a hole formed at the bottom of my heart and all the feelings leaked out. So I feel nothing but now I feel empty. I have no desire to do anything. I kinda just wanna lay here.
I know I feel better some other time. But when in the moment, some feelings are just overwhelming.
Sometimes I realize that I'm not the only one out there fighting all of these awkward, seemingly pointless mental battles. It kinda brings me solace.
But you know how you talk to someone new. And in the beginning, everything always feels like its going well. Then the conversations seem to fall flat. I run out of words and they have no more words to offer.
I wanna ask "are you tired of me yet?", "am I starting to get on your nerves?"
You say "No, never" but the fact of the matter is we talked every day for hours and now you only message me once a day. And I get it. Ok, no I don't. I don't get. It happens every time. People say "you can't bore" me. But it happens. "You can't get on my nerves". But I do. "We won't stop talking" but one day they just stop responding.
People say don't worry about people that you meet online. They come and go. I get that. I do. But you know how you get this heavy pressure in your chest when you're about to break an item. It's like you see it falling off the counter but you can't move fast enough to stop it. But on rare occasion. This isn't a rare occasion though. It's the same thing.
Sometimes it seems like when you're sad everyone is happy. You wanna talk to someone but I feel like if I call they will hear my voice tinged with this disease that they don't wanna catch. Take my negative energy somewhere else. But no one really wants it you know.
Its weird cause when you're young you have no little worries but everyone wants to offer you advice and call you and ask how stuff is but the older you get the more you seem to need but those around you are already done consoling a you that then, didn't need any consultation.
Sometimes I feel so much stuff and then all the anxiety makes me numb as if a hole formed at the bottom of my heart and all the feelings leaked out. So I feel nothing but now I feel empty. I have no desire to do anything. I kinda just wanna lay here.
I know I feel better some other time. But when in the moment, some feelings are just overwhelming.
