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I Battle Depression

28/08/2018
I am reasonably normal, but ever so often I break and I have a day when my arms and legs are heavy as led and I have a stinging sensation in my chest. I have to ride it out because if I ignore it, it can overwhelm me at any moment like a panic attack. So I encourage myself to dive into the pit that is my anxiety and experience it.
I listen to a Youtube playlist called "Little cloud of No"there are 68 songs of sad, emotional, numb songs on it and just try and feel everything that's threatening to overtake me.
Today I have already bitten all my nails down way too short so they are a bit painful and I have pulled at the skin around them so typing is not the nicest feeling...
I have been looking to remember what the name of the website was for a while (it was experience project)but it has been shut down. This is why I am here because I need a way to keep track of this shit without my family or friends being able to access it or find it by accident.
I am currently at work and today I might've stayed at home cos I have been useless today - nothing gets through the torrent of dark that's swirling around my head however if I try to take a mental health day off I will be criticized and ridiculed by family and work.

I'm Fine.

I am Fine.

I just need to go watch a sad film...or a horror film to scare the shit outta me.
NJA82 · 41-45, M
Know exactly where you’re coming from, I’m currently fighting the urge to kill myself, just keep feeling like crying. On the plus side I know if I wait long enough it’ll pass, on the negative side I know it’ll return.
NJA82 · 41-45, M
TBF if I didn’t have kids it would probably got the better of me ages ago.
NiteRaven93 · 31-35, M
I've taken care of my brothers the past few years and they're the reason I keep going. If I didn't have them I probably be dead now
NJA82 · 41-45, M
Yeah, it’s good to have something to keep you going, but sometimes I wish they weren’t there so I could end it. I feel trapped.

 
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