I Battle Depression and Anxiety

I love myself and know that other people love me also. I dont have a problem there. My mind on the other hand is so drained. Their isn't any one thing that is causing it. It's the people that i've lost. It's the messed up things constantly happening in this world. I feel trapped inside of my own mind and a wave constant fears is blocking the only exit. I feel exhausted with the weight of so many things. The struggle to be happy, the struggle to be financially stable at all times, the struggle to make those i've lost proud as well as those still living. The fear of my nieces and nephews growing up in this world filled with so much hate and rage. The pain of losing those i love so much. The struggle to stay healthy. So many more things are constantly pushing down on me and nothing but my sheer will is holding my sanity in place. Im not suicidal or anything like that. I could never leave my family with that pain. Plus im way to chicken to do anything like that. I freak out at the slightest stomach ache.im just so tired. I try to stay away from social media so i dont see what happens around the world, but i know it's still going on. I dont get how people can just shut it out and live life normally. I wish sometimes that i didnt feel the pain of other people. I wish sometimes that i didnt worry about my family and friends constantly. I wish sometimes i wasnt the way that i am. I wish sometimes that i didnt feel so alone even though i know people care about me. I wish sometimes i didnt let my own mind tell me im not good enough to do certain things. I know i love myself, but i wish sometimes that was enough. Thank you for taking the time to read this.