I Battle Depression

I fight depression everyday. All I do is watch TV, do the dishes, go to work and scroll on this site. I want to do so much more with my life yet I cant seem to get up and do it. Leaving the house to do grocery shopping or hang out with friends takes so much out of me. I can hardly focus on anything. I try so hard to be happy all the time. I want to get therapy and help to work through my issues but I am so terrified of being disappointed and knowing that I am beyond help. Beyond redemption. I'm also terrified that my therapist will judge me unfairly and give poor advice. So I'd be short money on top of feeling broken. Nothing seems to help

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AnnaKarenina · 31-35, F

Awh, I feel you. The hardest part is getting out there, and the disappointment that may come from not enjoying forcing oneself to try to be more upbeat. Jogging almost always helps me, but the problem is getting myself outside. I think trying to be happy all the time might be what's making you feel worse. Happiness is an emotion. It's temporary, so expecting to be happy against all odds is unrealistic and will make you judge yourself/be harder on yourself for it. Accepting some down time, time for being sad, and treating yourself kindly when it happens has been helpful for me. Do you find it hard to make friends where you live? That is the #1 problem that I'm having, and the isolation/depression comes from loneliness. I'm kind of stuck in this situation until I move because it's just not the best city for making close friends. Loads of flaky or insincere people :/ It's okay to not always be happy, and it's okay to have a few bad days. It doesn't mean you're a disappointment or are beyond help. It's a slow process, so judging/evaluating yourself based on a short period of trying isn't going to make you feel good because it takes time to yield noticeable results. I hope things get better for you!