I Battle Depression

I have bipolar depression so it's a manic and down roller coaster. I was diagnosed at 17 and two years later it's still a battle. Things build up and one trigger sets off a crying epsiode. When I'm manic, I'll talk and do things as if I'm high. I also cut myself. The last cut I did went down into the fat so I had to go to the ER for that.

When I'm depressed and/or anxious I feel glued to my rocking chair. I feel like someone's watching me and I just feel stuck.

I'm not suicidal anymore but I was heavily suicidal from 11 to 18. 11 is also when I started to cut myself. My pills give awful side effects but I guess it's better than jumping in front of a train?