I Battle Depression
I have found myself back in that familiar rut of being unable to leave my bed for days on end. Food disinterests me and sleepless nights haunt me with thoughts of recent failures and old traumas. I have succumbed again, as my mother would've pointed out - it was my choice to feel this way. I am meant to be strong and rise above it.
Fuelled by her mantra, I forced myself to leave the house and go for a run this morning. Barely two minutes in I am sitting on the sidewalk in tears hating myself for losing the battle already. The emptiness and hopelessness has already claimed me. 14 years of this familiar foe and I still have no idea how I will get through another day. A couple passes me while walking their dog and a quick glance my way hid nothing of their discomfort. I don't think it was my imagination when their pace hastened. I felt mortified and my feelings of worthlessness and anxiety became amplified. I don't want people to see me like this, especially strangers. I have felt completely detached from my body since returning home and my mind is just here, there and everywhere.
Fuelled by her mantra, I forced myself to leave the house and go for a run this morning. Barely two minutes in I am sitting on the sidewalk in tears hating myself for losing the battle already. The emptiness and hopelessness has already claimed me. 14 years of this familiar foe and I still have no idea how I will get through another day. A couple passes me while walking their dog and a quick glance my way hid nothing of their discomfort. I don't think it was my imagination when their pace hastened. I felt mortified and my feelings of worthlessness and anxiety became amplified. I don't want people to see me like this, especially strangers. I have felt completely detached from my body since returning home and my mind is just here, there and everywhere.
