I Battle Depression

I had a tattoo appointment yesterday. I was a complete grumpy asshole. I didn’t mean to be, I just couldn’t shake the bad mood. I didn’t even sit through the whole session. I was bored, restless, annoyed, sad... I don’t get joy from the same things I used to and it’s getting worse. I’ve tried to shake it for weeks now. I can’t talk to anyone about it so I’m left feeling crazy and ashamed for not being happy when I know I should. This is a slow and terrible process that I feel hopelessly unable to shake out of. :-(

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Haydon23 · 41-45, M

I find it’s best for me to shut myself away until the feeling subsides.
I think people at work know when I’m having a bad day as I go very quiet and they let me be.
We can’t be happy all of the time and we will always have days where we can’t motivate ourselves, get out of bed, be all smiley or interact with people. It’s not your fault, it’s the complex brain.

CareBear420 · 41-45, F

@Haydon23 That was one of the first things I noticed. I’ve been so quiet lately. I just don’t feel like talking to people, listening to the same old stories, trying to fake concern when I just don’t care. ....children are exempt from that statement, they always make me smile.

Haydon23 · 41-45, M

@CareBear420 I totally get you, that’s why some days I just stay away from people. I don’t want to appear rude but some days I just can’t cope with the interaction.
Children and animals always seem to lift my mood, my cousins dog seems to sense it and won’t leave me alone when I’m low.

CareBear420 · 41-45, F

@Haydon23 I just want to go back to normal and finally realizing that I’m NOT normal right now has made it worse. Now I notice my behavior more and more.

Haydon23 · 41-45, M

@CareBear420 in a way that’s kind of good because it means you are self aware. You can see the problem and you might not have a solution just yet but hang in there. Some may think you are rude but we have to look after number one at times. I think a lot of us would love to go back to normal, myself included, sadly I’m not sure it’s always possible. There will be bad days but hopefully the good days will outweigh them.

CareBear420 · 41-45, F

@Haydon23 I had a bit of postpartum years ago but it was nothing like this. It’s the ‘I don’t care’ attitude that’s people are taking notice of but I just can’t force myself to fake it.

Haydon23 · 41-45, M

@CareBear420 I wouldn’t worry too much, I’ve lost so called friends because they weren’t too bothered or there when I needed them. Proper friends will stick with you through thick and thin.
And the people on here are always ready to chat, discuss or lend support, sometimes it just what is needed.

CareBear420 · 41-45, F

I just can’t bring myself to explain anything to anyone. ‘I’m depressed.’ Is not a convo I want to have with anyone I know IRL.

Haydon23 · 41-45, M

@CareBear420 unless people have experienced it, they will never fully understand. You can always pm me to talk when you are feeling down.