I Am Depressed Because I'm Lonely

Depressed, Sad And Alone.... I'm a 34 year old gay closeted male. Growing up I've always felt different from the other kids and they did treat me different. When the neighborhood kids would go out and play together, I was never included in the games. First I thought it was because I was overweight. Then I realized that I started to have feelings for other men in High School. I realized in college that I was putting up a front and that I truly was gay, not straight and curious. I've tried to be in a few relationships but the I chickened out and my most recent was an online relationship and he just suddenly stopped contacting me. In the past I've battled depression and I am taking medication for it. It's hard because when I'm not work I become really lonely and sad because I feel so alone in this world. I still live with my parents, how pathetic that is, due to money problems. I just feel like a failure and that I'll never find that special guy to love me back. The worse fear in my life is that I will die alone.