I Am Depressed More Than People Realize

Lately, my depression has been getting worse. To the point where I can barely sleep. Not even with sleeping pills. I can barely eat because my stomach just can't tolerate half of the foods I used to eat. I feel like I'm going crazy, hating myself a little more everyday. I still haven't gotten a job and I have a trip to California next month. I don't know how I feel about that anymore.
My boyfriend has been talking to me lately about marriage and me moving in. Asking me what I think about it.. Honestly, I love him, but I just doubt him sometimes and it's hard to see a happy me in the future with him. It's enough already with this crippling depression and no one seems to notice the signs. I feel like I'm drowning in a cup of water and no one sees that.