I Am Depressed More Than People Realize

Lately, my depression has been getting worse. To the point where I can barely sleep. Not even with sleeping pills. I can barely eat because my stomach just can't tolerate half of the foods I used to eat. I feel like I'm going crazy, hating myself a little more everyday. I still haven't gotten a job and I have a trip to California next month. I don't know how I feel about that anymore.
My boyfriend has been talking to me lately about marriage and me moving in. Asking me what I think about it.. Honestly, I love him, but I just doubt him sometimes and it's hard to see a happy me in the future with him. It's enough already with this crippling depression and no one seems to notice the signs. I feel like I'm drowning in a cup of water and no one sees that.

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polysexminoh · 56-60, M

From where you are standing it feels like you will never find a way out of the pit called depression. I can tell you that it is possible and the hope for a better tomorrow is still in you.

Every day, at least once each day, find something that makes you smile and is good. Sometimes it is just that you got to see both a sunrise and sunset since you didn't sleep that night. Once you begin looking, you will begin to see the world differently.

Try and find something new to learn, something "hard" that requires your full focus. For me it was learning to ride a motorcycle. That broke the cycle of renumeration of the problem you feel. If you can break that cycle, you can begin to heal emotionally and mentally.

I wish you well on your journey. There is lots of life a head of you to live !