I Fight Depression and Loneliness Everyday

So I guess I'm going to REALLY recover this time I freaking hate it but I have to do this. Honestly nothing matters anymore I have a fuc*ed up mind and a screwed life ever since my childhood. I have no freedom whatsoever so what's the point in trying to be pretty? I actually fainted because my father scolded me really bad today morning. I just want to die but of course suicide isn't a choice. I just don't understand why am I living anymore. I'll prolly start cutting again. I just don't care anymore. I'm a liar and a cheater right dad? I'm a complete mistake.