I Fight Depression and Loneliness Everyday
Lately ive been going through this cycle where when I hit my lows and am sad for no reason and I just can't lift out of it and I make myself feel worse when I think, I know, im sad for no reason, such empty emotions bringing me down.
But I just feel really disgusting because I realize that I have somewhere to live I can eat when I am hungry, sleep, shower. I really have no reason to be sad when there are people sleeping outside in the snow. But then I think you can't compare peoples lots in life because regardless of what people have they get used to their station in life and make due. Everyone has gone through their own experiences that has made them who they are put them where they. Were all individuals so you shouldn't compare yourself to others but then my brains comes back and says: that doesn't excuse you for being a useless piece of [insert appropriate self depreciating word/phrase]... and then it starts over.
People shouldn't compare-your still gross-people can't compare-your still disgusting for having such feeling.
Sometimes I cry because I want to die when so many people out their are literally and metaphorically fighting for their lives. While I am waiting for a bus or truck to f**k up and hit me.
Or im just waiting for [i]something[/i] to happen, wanting something to happen so my feelings can be justified so that if some one ask me why are you so down I can give them an answer instead of just shaking my head looking down, and feeling ashamed of my feelings.
I keep trying to tell myself its ok for someone like me these feelings are normal. But at the same time an even stronger feeling rushes over me, that im am a detestable and disgusting person for having these feelings and its like im involuntarily stomping myself into the ground, kicking myself while im down. Its like because I have such feelings when there are so many people whos feelings are justified I deserve this, though if I had just been happy maybe things would be like this. But either way I know my way of thinking doesn't make sense.
either way sometimes I like to humor myself and say im independent and free from being affected by society but then I inevitably realize while wallowing in my [i]perceived[/i] self-worthlessness that I too am being weighed down by it.
Thats a load of my mind.
But I just feel really disgusting because I realize that I have somewhere to live I can eat when I am hungry, sleep, shower. I really have no reason to be sad when there are people sleeping outside in the snow. But then I think you can't compare peoples lots in life because regardless of what people have they get used to their station in life and make due. Everyone has gone through their own experiences that has made them who they are put them where they. Were all individuals so you shouldn't compare yourself to others but then my brains comes back and says: that doesn't excuse you for being a useless piece of [insert appropriate self depreciating word/phrase]... and then it starts over.
People shouldn't compare-your still gross-people can't compare-your still disgusting for having such feeling.
Sometimes I cry because I want to die when so many people out their are literally and metaphorically fighting for their lives. While I am waiting for a bus or truck to f**k up and hit me.
Or im just waiting for [i]something[/i] to happen, wanting something to happen so my feelings can be justified so that if some one ask me why are you so down I can give them an answer instead of just shaking my head looking down, and feeling ashamed of my feelings.
I keep trying to tell myself its ok for someone like me these feelings are normal. But at the same time an even stronger feeling rushes over me, that im am a detestable and disgusting person for having these feelings and its like im involuntarily stomping myself into the ground, kicking myself while im down. Its like because I have such feelings when there are so many people whos feelings are justified I deserve this, though if I had just been happy maybe things would be like this. But either way I know my way of thinking doesn't make sense.
either way sometimes I like to humor myself and say im independent and free from being affected by society but then I inevitably realize while wallowing in my [i]perceived[/i] self-worthlessness that I too am being weighed down by it.
Thats a load of my mind.
